Tag: itsnotyourfault

A sample from Book 8

 Pity-Party Me Not
  
 save your grace
 ‒me crying in your face
 maybe it's best to walk away‒
 not have your good spirits replaced
 with my selfish-daunting embrace
  
 don't let me crowd your space
 in a lost self-pitying race
 I have to find my way
 backward steps
not to trace
 get up
move forward‒ 
there's a dream to chase
 ‒a gift
in my heart
God† did place
  
 in all that oh-poor-me lace
 ‒wasting day after day
 I put aside what's great
 for others' self-demeaning fate
 ‒those who lost faith
 not giving time of day
to words God† had to say
  
 that day after day
turned to year after year
 willingly serving myself up‒
 a circling, dead-horse tray
 my own bed made‒ 
self-pity's prized bait
  
 around and around
up and down
burying my I
 around, around, around‒ 
a circling maze
 ‒down, down, down
in self-pity I laid
  
 to whomever'd sit and listen
I'd saturate‒
 serve self-pity's cake
 jump in with pleasure
without thought‒ 
bathe
 smothering my I in hate
 on self‒ 
adding burdensome's weight
  
 flying free
in the greatness of unease‒
 my eyes‒ 
lost in sedate
 ‒shielded behind bondage's tape
 over my happy‒ 
anger's blackened cape
 misery's base
I did drape
  
 I closed all gates
let the sun's ray
 slowly sink to night's blackened gray
 ‒down, down, down
in a mercury-ladened lake
 'til I laid in waste
 seemingly sealed in a darkened cave
  
 I held on tight‒  
my wilderness-mentality trait
 fighting against moses' trusting faith‒
 doing whatever it took
 ‒forget heart's break
 with constant play‒ 
attending every sinful date
 ‒hearing God's† words
refusing to obey
 falling down, down, down
not caring what's at stake
 from reality‒ 
wanting to separate
 losing to evil's webbing spray
  
 everyone turned‒ 
from me
ran in haste
 'til self-pity became my only mate
  
 then came the day
deep inside me‒
 God's† hand began to vibrate
 my wavering faith
evil couldn't take
 ‒mixed-up signals
my heart began to translate
 at first
a slow rate
 raising from a bottomless crate‒
 I began harder to pray
  
 through all my mistakes
 for me
God's† patience did wait
 cradling me
as I lay
 ‒drowning in self-pity's tears
 softly patting my back‒
 knowing how slow this I operates
 telling me:
  
 it's going to be okay
 take your time
it's your way to make
 no matter the pace
it's never too late
 ‒whatever the case
 I'll† help you break
evil's enclosed vase
  
 harder I did pray
 hearing clearer His† words
 stronger became my faith
'til that magical day
 His† light alone‒ 
out of that darkened cave
 my way
He† did pave
  
 here and there
self-pity comes, says hey
 for moments‒ 
again
I lose my way
 but as light as a needle of hay
 He† lifts me
 ‒His† light pours within me
 an abundance of rays
 blinding evil's come what may
 filling me with gentle's taste
 ‒oranges, apples, grapes
fruits of my labor
 the brilliance of grace
my truth in faith
 proving to me
nothing stands in my wake
  
 so, each time
self-pity‒ 
I seem to embrace
 just give me space
 let me alone face
find my own way
 backward steps
less and less to trace
 each new day
faster and faster
I replace‒
 that wilderness-mentality trait
 ‒evil's webbing embrace
oh-poor-me beckoning date
 soon to disappear
without a trace
  
 the deeper I pray‒
 quicker and quicker
I re-find my way
  
 with purer, stronger faith
 realizing
it's not just a dream to chase
 it's a gift‒
 in my heart
God† did place
  
 so, my self-pity
please don't embrace
 turn away
give me my moments
to pray
 my special one-on-one date
 just me and my Lord†
 ‒heavy in faith
immersing my I
 in words He† has
to say
  
 ‒no time limits placed
on days I pray
 just know when I emerge‒
 I'm stronger
heavily armed in His† way
 so each tomorrow
I'll easily face
 for I'm endowed‒
 smothered happily
   in His† amazing grace