‘Troubled Soul’

Other people’s issues are not yours!

A sample from Book 9

  Troubled Soul
 
your mixed personality
doesn't blend with reality
 
your verbal kindness
doesn't add to
your stalking rudeness
 
returning to reality
‒stripping all vulnerability
takes...taking responsibility‒
actions of self
before experiencing life...truly
 
changing personalities
doesn't insure securities
needed‒
to strengthen possibilities
 
living in denial
mile after mile‒
brings the mind
to crash
heading south‒
once there
‒getting there
you can only ask...how
 
take a look inside
your round and round ride
‒a mind in hide
never subsides
'til you stop for a while
sink in like a child‒
all your wounds...untie
 
open that book
given by God†
look deep...deep into your I
write down your whys
all that pain
bringing you to hide‒
all those cries
 
all those ancient words‒
so many have heard
let them be your guide
it takes time
 
people won't untie‒
all those knots inside
‒admittance...of self
the help of only God†‒
your only needed drive
way...way deep inside
‒then He'll† show you
how to fly
without you‒
having to ask why
Continue reading “‘Troubled Soul’”

‘Spaces of Real’

That place where you are no longer hurting!

A sample from Book 7

 Spaces of Real
 
where do you fit in
when you're searching
for truth
–all seems a flute
 
when you're pushing–
revealing all you do
just to get through
 
when you talk to God†
–each day
just getting by
wondering
how
this day
you survived
 
knowing
because of someone else
tears you try
not to cry
 
over anger
you become
a hardened manager
wondering
what it is
that's
lost inside of you
 
yes, where do you fit in
–this society of fake
lost in its self-absorbed wake
 
when men are weak
constantly
searching
something always better
they seek
 
hanging you out to dry
without reasons of why
 
leaving you
constantly
searching
for spaces of real
where there's no reason
to conceal
what's truly hiding
deep inside
Continue reading “‘Spaces of Real’”

‘Pillars of Death’

Depression: The Feeling of Your Own Death!

A sample from Book 7

 Pillars of Death
 
I'm an apparent suicide
who took
everything buried inside
‒sprayed it out
like pesticide
 
they call it a homicide
raging words
was all it took
for love to dry
‒leaving only tears
to cry
 
slowly I died
asking every kind of why
 
why only anger's words
was enough
to cast me aside
 
why my truth
was reason
my life
‒its very existence
to hide
 
my being
no longer resides
in hearts
I believed
could override
evil's prancing stride
 
they all cast me aside
for thoughts...words
I could no longer
hold inside
 
instead of holding me
as these eyes cried
they buried me
‒an unmarked grave
deep outside
with bugs and flies
Continue reading “‘Pillars of Death’”

”Secret’ No More!’

Their Play Is All the Same!

A sample from Book 9

 'Secret' No More!
 
the cat's out the bag
 
on the surface‒
I no longer scratch
‒don't want to sound
like a hag
not even a nag
but I'm done
playing this little game
of tag
 
I no longer want
the jab‒
that sneaky, sly syntax
keeping me in a corner
my existence entrapped
secrets over nightcaps
 
for so long
at it
I merely laughed
playing along‒
this hidden
out-of-sight craft
 
for so long
I fell into its path
to feel barely half
of a lover's swag
 
not any more
do these eyes sag
I now see
the repeated red flags
 
here they are‒
if you want to keep track
here they are‒
if your eyes
are stuck in lack:
 
away from public view‒
begins
the slow, gentle snatch
 
text this, text that

a hi here
a hey there
even the wyd flair
 
then the ignore
playing-with-the-mind anthrax's
added-on little snap
 
maybe a phone call or two‒
avoiding a bit of snag
 
(the now understood common trap)
 
oh! how texting does that
 
‒just a tiny dab
the get-what-they-want hatch
 
turning texting to sexting
in a flash
 
then sit back...relax
as she falls in the trap
her mind...now attacked
with a little zap‒
man-ego-driven
mind-boggling witchcraft
sealed and wrapped‒
one-sided—playing-out wrath
 
sexting‒
the perfect-controlling telegraph
 
then comes
the moving-on slow raft
to get that big splash
‒adding to their stash
images behind
a monitored glass
 
a little skin
in flash
with some sexy sass
 
the building in pizzazz
wanting more
of that flabbergast
 
building, building
téte-a-téte
 
then veiled in a masque‒
when questions invade
the on-and-off going chitchat‒
 
a quickened spat
back to the ignoring splat‒
ego...alive and well
in combat
 
'til comes that final blast
flesh to unmask
an act in diplomat
making her feel all that‒
the sexy little kitty cat
 
‒the play in chat
becomes
an in-the-flesh transact
 
good or bad‒
putting her in abstract
continued words on a pad‒
her mind to distract
rather hijacked
from their away-from-her
reality fact‒
 
she's not the only lass‒
their on-going sexting hack
blatant ways in acrobat‒
that and this
this and that
 
'til her avoided questions
forces a react‒
 
why not spend time with me
why the constant disappearing act

 
she innocently asks
wanting beyond
the sexual wrap‒
wanting out of secret's
hidden tap
 
the continued avoiding lap
puts her mind
in wondering's rasp
 
all-stop...hold
goes the lit glass‒
with no returned téte-a-téte
or to-the-door dash
or a together attach
nor explanations to patch
or synchronizing photographs
not even a social-media match
 
her mind opens up‒
I've seen all that
recognizing perfectly
the plotted graph
 
experience, experience
the exact-patterned zigzag
she's once again caught
knowings in fact‒
 
their intentions
won't go
any further than that
 
for her unanswered questions
suspicions‒
her experiences in reasoning
reality's opened-up rap‒
 
she's just one of many cats
in their secret's rattrap
 
‒with all these red flags
no need for a polygraph
I don't even need an ax
or a wiretap
not even some mindless booby-trap
 
just a sentence or two‒
seeing through the claptrap
then sit back
watch the unwrap‒
 
innocence offers a laugh
 
let's fix this hash
to you...I want to holdfast
let's have a blast
out in the open

'let's make our splash
 
guilt opens up the wrath
 
a shutting-down fast
placing-blame lash
social-media delete
the final smash‒
the secret
given the shaft
 
no longer do I fly half-mast
no longer am I the secret
in stash
 
yes, the red flags
seen in perfect format
 
I'm no spoiled brat
not even
lost in over-react
 
this kitty cat
just knows where it's at
 
I'm more than just a paragraph‒
a secret in scraps
 
I'm all or nothing
an out-in-the-open en masse
willing to adapt
with another walking
the same path
Continue reading “”Secret’ No More!’”

When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!

This one sergeant in my Army days in Germany called me Marie Laveau…lol…another one bites the dust! One of them will be strong enough to handle my energy some day. If they can let go of their pride long enough. I’ve had enough of man-ego-pride to last a life time.

Continue reading “When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!”

‘Floating in Air’

Stress-Free Zone Ahead!

A sample from Book 8

 Floating in Air
 
I came around
to see change
shortening the range‒
just to see
all's the same
 
so I float
in this air
here and there
hoping for flair‒
hearts open
gentle love's token
but all's still broken
‒all's still forsaken
eyes still closed
minds sealed‒
that forever
round and round wheel
 
so I'll reside here
just for a while
give a little time
then off I'll fly
forget
all this here try
fully learning
no one can rearrange
what's lost
in derange
what refuses
to grow
stay stuck
in naysayer's flow
 
so here
I'll just float in air
give a chance
a second
a third
then off
I'll go
 
hit the road
seek places
where real love
flows
without needing
chances to prove
out right show‒
I won't just be there
flowing freely in airs
desiring to share
‒easy will come
care
 
yes, somewhere
out there
lies a place
one face
overshadows
two-faced
where real
the only deal
‒truth
over comes fool
this place
I'll feel the overwhelming
need
to drool
 
there‒
I'll come down
stand on solid ground
without a need
to just float in air
for then
I'll truly feel a need
to open up‒
for something
care
feel life's breath
in share
really be there
in that place
somewhere
Continue reading “‘Floating in Air’”

‘Attrition’

Ways Codependents React to Narcissists After a Breakup

A sample from Book 9

 Attrition
 
a stable life in good–
doing what you should
holding on tight–
what's under the hood
 
seasons change
all the same
knowing they would–
gripping firmly to strength
keeping sight
in positive's look
assuring self
you've done it right–
gave the love you could
 
then all stop–
a tied-up knot
the sudden chop
from what is
to the cold, calculated not
 
words thrown
you misunderstood
 
you...searching
for answers in known
looking back–
on grounds stood
phrases said–
bouncing in head
surely something mistook–
signs overlooked
 
you know what you felt
all the right moves dealt
–the magic read in clouds
stories in books
readings in prayer books
right there...underfoot
all the best
in adulthood
words clearly understood
 
but there...lacking input
missed lessons in hymn books
–deceptions little nook
misguided direction
landing
in betrayal's neighborhood
 
all the pieces
so well together...put
a bit in the odd
the back-there look
 
a moved life
in sudden maidenhood
no written guidebook
teachings a foot–
these misguided ways
in falsehood
 
stripping moments of good–
losing self
in fancy-driven gook
scenes of hollywood
masterminds mastering weakness–
perils of womanhood–
–sly little crooks
robbing more livelihood–
what was already shook
 
tighter goes the knots
yet another sudden stop–
that letting-down drop
forcing
the non-welcomed re-surfacing
of anger's top
that place–
you thought chopped
 
lessons learned in crop–
that sudden stop
strengthens the lot
of hurt's already
worn-out blot
 
out goes buddhahood–
peaceful mind
turns to soot
promises of a finally found
true
honesty in real's manhood
lost once again
in a dreamer
stuck in boyhood
 
all this defend
breaks self down–
losing the will it took
to again's stuck in pussyfoot
–for nothing more
than mere, stagnated driftwood–
too hard for firewood
too nimble-footed
too backwoods
to be anyone's
true knighthood
 
so you just dawn an old frock
cover all the clocks
mourn what's not
–lessons thrown to floors
then mopped
live a bit in shell-shock
 
then, again fight
return good
to its original spot
–add the lost
to false-love's overflowing
melting pot
–take a minute...sob
tie tighter the knot
listen to some hip-hop
suck on some lollipops
–try to forget
once more...robbed
trying to convince self
heartbreak
not your mascot
 
but hope steps on in
forcing self
back into believe–
somewhere, out there
a heart's coming
your world to rock
without ever again
the sudden stop
from what is
to what's not
love in flop
Continue reading “‘Attrition’”