Tag: salvation

‘Aversion’

Forgive Yourself for God Has Already Done That!

(April 8, 2019)—The commentary for my piece titled ‘Salvation’s Need’ I speak about salvation and God taking grace away if we go against Him. A friend called and told me that God does not take away grace. I beg you differ.

Ever since the incident with the Jeep, I have been reverted back to feeling like crap. I can’t seem to return to the good diet that was making me feel great, nor the tanning, nor the exercising. I’m told to get an attorney and sue these people, but, at the same time, that’s not what I’m supposed to do. Faith. I’m supposed to rely on faith. I’ve been battling with all of this lately.

I finished my vow. I’m supposed to wait now. And my relationship with the sweet man…what relationship? All my values, morals, principles are in question right now…every single thing I stand for! The voice of death has crossed my threshold several times in these last couple of months because I’m so tired of fighting, so tired of people lying to me. I’ve been in a battle per say.

I have been working late on my website and getting up late each day. I had gotten myself on a schedule, but that has been thrown out the window. I suddenly have that rush again…like I’m up against a clock. So, this morning after reading a few things on Facebook, I got my coffee and sat down. My Bible and writing tablet staring at me. The pull to cry came from way deep inside. And the tears started to fall. I started to feel sorry for myself. I see my sisters posting about their lives. My little sister and her family. I asked myself, ‘Where’s my joy? Where’s my family?’

 Aversion
  
 You† stripped me of life
 sent me into strife
 in order for me
to truly see the light
  
 I knelt...prayed for truth
 stripped of wisdom‒ 
made into a fool
 only to rise then fall in glue
 stuck in deceived...malice
 drowning in the body's surface
 lust took hold...every crevice
  
 my mind stuck in evil's drool
 lying, stealing...seeking revenge‒
 all evil's time in consume
 I surrounded myself‒ 
in the duel
 bathing in its fumes
 yelling, pulling, yanking
 trying to see truth
 ‒in all I assumed
  
 all its evilness‒ 
pulling me from the light
 pushing me‒ 
to take my very life
 over and over‒ 
keeping me in strife
 leaving...I think not!
laughing at my struggle‒ 
in fight
 holding me down from flight
 suffocating‒ 
blinding my sight
  
 I prayed to see truth
 now I see evil's embedded rules
 the play‒ 
leaving countless clues
 lust being its endless tool
 using love‒ 
in its game of fools
  
 Lord†, I see the aversion‒
 I see the message in truth
 in my mind‒ 
the careless insertion
 ‒troubled heart
sunk in its inclusion
  
 I know why they sink‒
 into drugs...sexual immorality
 they were too young
when it all begun
 to fight evil's manipulating reality
 get to the children first
  ‒You† showed me this
before any verse
 revealing truth‒ 
way before my coming doom
  
 then my 360...then the loop
 three adults in evil's coop
 the wreckage‒ 
I didn't know what to do
 for I was encaged, too
  
 get to the children first
  
 innocence‒ 
pulled from the light
 no strength
to put up a fight
 ‒growing up
with an inside strife
 splitting the mind
 evil...preventing
the thinking of twice
  
 Lord†, thank you
for the truth
 please clear my mind‒ 
fill me with You†
 evil strangles
all that's true
 I'd rather be filled with You†
 than lust's
    careless drool
Continue reading “‘Aversion’”

‘Ex-foliate My Soul’

You have to leave others out of ‘self’!

A sample from Book 12

 Ex‒foliate My Soul
  
 I still hear the winds blow
 I know, still, from and to
the direction it goes
 I depend, too much
on human souls
 ‒directing my emotional role
  
 these feet‒ 
so stuck in muddy ground
 I've lost the feelings
of being found
 trying to understand
hear...every sound
 I've stumbled away
from which I'm bound
  
 raise me up, oh Lord†
 unclog‒ 
these maggot-filled holes
 rub your sands deeply in‒
 pull me out
as you wash away clean
 the filth
of this infested bowl
 help me again‒ 
feel fit and lean
 where I once had strength
of a lion
 ‒the sanctuary
of a crystal clear stream
  
 enlighten my heart, sweet Jesus†
 relight this drive
I so carelessly left behind
 enrich my soul
wash away the corrode
 so me, in ease, I can stand
on my own two feet
 understand words in my heart
 having strength to sort
 ‒without falling apart
  
 yes, Lord†, raise my tempo back up
 so I can feel, once more
the unstoppable me
 ‒that pure individual feeling
of being free
 without the need
of another's glee
  
 I open me up‒ 
mind, body, soul
 I'm, again, letting go
 so...whichever the winds blow
 matter is not needed
 for I'll be free again‒
 in the total of
letting go
Continue reading “‘Ex-foliate My Soul’”

‘Thank You for the Time’

Let yourself learn from the lessons given!

A sample from Book 12

  Thank You for the Time
  
 I often mix up the rhyme
 wanting the rhythm
in times
 then I think
this life of mine
 has to end some time
  
 thank you, Lord†, for the time
 the silence
the frozen bones
 thinking deep...on my own
 without stories to tell
 ‒just a visit home
  
 thank you, Lord†, for this time
 everyone has seeds sewn
 everyone to everyone...cloned
 beeps from a wireless phone
 passing on‒ 
without really being known
  
 I thank you anyway, Lord†
for this time
 for bleak bitterness
in my mind
 for the tearing love
in my heart
 ‒I once fought so hard
feeling so torn apart
 in this space...I am caught
 reading words‒ 
to me...once taught
  
 thank you, Lord†
my lessons are mine
 listening deep‒ 
watching go by...the time
 wondering if enough‒ 
I've been kind
  
 no backwards
only forwards
 can I move the line
 taking the lessons‒ 
building new rhyme
 understanding the journey
 through time
is not just mine
  
 thank you, Lord Jesus†
 for all those moments
in time
 I'll bring them all in
 play with them
in my mind
then cherish the rhyme
 after all, You've† given me
the time
Continue reading “‘Thank You for the Time’”

‘Allegorium’

What it takes to keep love!

A sample from Book 11

 Allegorium
 
  
 (what is it in life
 if you can't tell
wrong from right
 to see in sight
what is of great heights
 to know
from a wrong fight
and a right fight
 ‒one worth the cry
one not worth the try)
  
 there was a yell, a scream
an act of rage
 mixed in scents of sage
  
 she would leave
she would leave today
 her bags...she began to pack
 ‒the stress off her back
  
 she voiced everything
she wanted to sack
 her mind lost in a haze
 remembering
all those great days
 ‒reasons why she stayed
  
 anger filled in a maze
this way, that way
 ‒which path to take
  
 wanting to run
 in spite of the fun
 then in comes the pun‒ 
standing eye to eye
 tears suddenly
fill in cry
  
 we just can't be together  

 shaking
coming from deep inside

 I know 

 each not willing to move‒ 
standing their ground
 knowing
without making a sound
 it all comes down
to mixes in race
 different traditions
different tastes
  
 but that's just the base
 to what lies beneath‒
 experiences
in the lace
  
 wanting her to stay
 knowing
his moments in rage
 ‒can't keep her in a cage
 from her mind
it won't fade
 searching
for words to say
  
 wanting nothing in fright
 in his dark eyes‒ 
seeing the willing light
 wanting her to seek it
 please make it bright
 understand the hard in my life
 for it, I had to fight
 sealing up everything inside
  
 confusion succumbed‒ 
the sudden in rays
 from his silent, pleading glaze
 it's not just his aces and eights
 that's on the take
  
 she adds up the sum
to it, he wasn't dumb
 every piece, every crumb
has to be sorted‒
 to smooth out
the constant lump
  
 another chance
another steady ride
 taking each side
 ‒what's buried in hide
 no matter how many lows and highs
 wobbling
through pass homicides
 all those moments‒ 
others confused their minds
 making them want to pounce‒
 in anger...quickly dive
  
 thinking through it‒ 
hearing every sound
 warnings, confusion, heart‒
 feeling the surface of found
 wondering where its bound
this constant round
 has to sooner or later
release its hound
 when wanting to stay
is all around
  
 softly relaxing
the lines on her face
 that unconditional
is not in a trace
 ‒it's in the base
of foundation's lace
 without living in a race
  
 what others see as a toxic tray
 may just be
the difference in race
 in raised traditional's case
 ‒angers set in
wanting to be erased
  
 each learning to let go‒
 what once slapped them
in the face
 releasing anger's ways
 that keeps trapping them
in a haze
 ‒exploding in a blaze
  
 what is it in life
 if you can't tell
wrong from right
 to see in sight
what is of great heights
 ‒to know Jesus'† life
why for us, He† died
  
 love is worth the ride
for it, pay the price
 for the reward
   everlasting life
Continue reading “‘Allegorium’”

‘Hands to Hold’

Is race going to continue to rule your life?

A sample from Book 10

 Hands to Hold
  
 you come at me
 you're not discrete
bold...unsure
  
 maybe there's a gun in my hand
 maybe I've some contraband
  
 or maybe I just like hands in pocket
 or wearing my earphones in my car
 so I can answer this here phone
 for this car absent of bluetooth–
 protecting me and you
  
 or maybe you're angry– 
having a bad day
 I pass your way
 through your veins runs hate
 so I become your play
  
 I'm just like you‒
 generation after generation
 passed through
without obligations
 to changing the view
  
 –it all seems like voodoo
 we both– 
not really having a clue
 ‒taking it upon ourselves
 get off that dusty shelf
change the view
 so our kids
won't suffer too
  
 maybe I do have a gun
 –anger raging in stun
 do you see inside of me
 my hard history
maybe my hand shakes
 though you can't see
 –you're so angry
 not seeing what's at stake
  
 maybe I did some drugs–
 stopping the pain
 keeping from going insane
 but soothing I didn't gain
 all looks like a game
 emotions adding to more pain
  
 then you come along
 thinking I'm a thug
 you want to cut me down‒
 stump me like a bug
 without knowing the deal at home
 why I'm here– 
a gun...all alone
  
 maybe don't yell
 talk...love– 
let it swell
  
 instead of jail– 
lead my soul to help
 without making me
hate myself
  
 I, too, want peace
 between you and me
  
 maybe instead of arrogance‒
 show understanding
compassion
  
 I don't want a free ride
 just a reason...inside
not to cry
  
 I am tough
I've got muscles, tats
 my life has been rough
 –crazy and all that
 it doesn't mean
I'm just stuff
to pluck
  
 a handshake
a hug
  
 –that just might be
enough
  
 I'm a human being
 I don't mean to sting
  
 just a little bitter
 please, your anger–
 could you reconsider
  
 look at me for me
God's† child
 making my way...like you
 through the miles
  
 –the past is gone
this is now
 together– 
we can make it all
worth while
 if we just remain calm–
 approach each other
in mild
 without death coming in fowl
Continue reading “‘Hands to Hold’”

‘Salvation’s Need’

To Deny Others Is To Deny God!

 Salvation's Need
  
 test after test
I have failed
 my 360
to the cross...nailed
 You† brought people to me
 in their time of weak
 ‒salvation
I failed to help them seek
  
 instead, I buried them deep
 words from my mouth
did seep
 actions
I didn't allow to creep
 in self
I curled up in weep
  
 my time has come and sailed
 out of all of it
I tend to bail
 turning my back
not wanting to see
 how another's picture
on them...creeps
 I just give up and flee
  
 whatever awakens
this ignorance of me
 strip it
take it from me
 strengthen me
help me to see
 keep me from feeling sorry
lost in self pity
  
 Lord†, this part of me
 that lived unselfishly
 I lost
please return it to me
 without this lumpy throat
from way down deep
 without fears and anxiety
 help me open my mouth
speak
 in words of calm
humility, peace
without selfish
insecurities
Continue reading “‘Salvation’s Need’”