Tag: fears

‘Salvation’s Need’

To Deny Others Is To Deny God!

 Salvation's Need
  
 test after test
I have failed
 my 360
to the cross...nailed
 You† brought people to me
 in their time of weak
 ‒salvation
I failed to help them seek
  
 instead, I buried them deep
 words from my mouth
did seep
 actions
I didn't allow to creep
 in self
I curled up in weep
  
 my time has come and sailed
 out of all of it
I tend to bail
 turning my back
not wanting to see
 how another's picture
on them...creeps
 I just give up and flee
  
 whatever awakens
this ignorance of me
 strip it
take it from me
 strengthen me
help me to see
 keep me from feeling sorry
lost in self pity
  
 Lord†, this part of me
 that lived unselfishly
 I lost
please return it to me
 without this lumpy throat
from way down deep
 without fears and anxiety
 help me open my mouth
speak
 in words of calm
humility, peace
without selfish
insecurities
Continue reading “‘Salvation’s Need’”

‘Floating in Air’

Stress-Free Zone Ahead!

A sample from Book 8

 Floating in Air
  
 I came around
to see change
 shortening the range‒
 just to see
all's the same
  
 so I float
in this air
here and there
 hoping for flair‒
 hearts open
gentle love's token
 but all's still broken
 ‒all's still forsaken
 eyes still closed
minds sealed‒
 that forever
round and round wheel
  
 so I'll reside here
just for a while
 give a little time
then off I'll fly
 forget
all this here try
 fully learning
no one can rearrange
 what's lost
in derange
 what refuses
to grow
 stay stuck
in naysayer's flow
  
 so here
I'll just float in air
 give a chance
a second
a third
 then off
I'll go
  
 hit the road
 seek places
where real love
flows
 without needing
chances to prove
 out right show‒ 
I won't just be there
 flowing freely in airs
desiring to share
 ‒easy will come
care
  
 yes, somewhere
out there
 lies a place
one face
overshadows
two-faced
 where real
the only deal
 ‒truth
over comes fool
this place
 I'll feel the overwhelming
need
to drool
  
 there‒ 
I'll come down
 stand on solid ground
 without a need
to just float in air
 for then
I'll truly feel a need
 to open up‒ 
for something
 care
feel life's breath
in share
 really be there
in that place
    somewhere
Continue reading “‘Floating in Air’”

‘Use It To Be It’

What ‘Not’ To Do When It Comes To Your Past!

A sample from Book 8

 Use It To Be It
  
 it happened‒ 
look back there
 once, twice, thrice
 ‒don’t stay there
  
 turn that wayward stare
 towards something rare
  
 turn that experience
into deliverance
  
 he may have gotten you
clouded your view‒
 that hidden abuse
that traditional muse
  
 demanding traits of you
 change your clothes
 ‒that too
so subtle, so quiet
  
 you went along
 after all‒ 
you had a home
 someone
to call your own
  
 time ticks
‘til matters click
 change comes quick
  
 only for you‒
  
 he’s his own game
inside...the same
 hiding from you
 ‘til open...wide
clear becomes the view
  
 you fell hard
 that knife
beyond sharp
  
 but here you are
 wearing
a survivor’s star
 wondering‒ 
lies where
your somewhere
  
 from back there
turn that clouded stare
 ‒things begin to clear  

 don’t put that past
totally in the rear
  
 take it‒ 
use it with class
 bettering you
pave an avenue
  
 ‒there’s no excuse
 only you
had the view
  
 share it‒
 help others
overcome it, too
  
 that place
out there
 elevates
what he tried to kill
  
 now
you’re headed somewhere
 while
he’s stuck back there
  
 there’s nothing to it‒
 it’s just fair
  
 his childish control
 becomes
   your gold
Continue reading “‘Use It To Be It’”

‘Codependent’

The Codependent: Make Yourself Happy First!

A sample from Book 6

 Codependent
  
 I've tried to help
 in ways
that didn't help
  
 I've said yes
then no
to my self
  
 I've avoided
hurting others
 only to hurt myself
  
 to trust my own feelings
 I've been afraid
  
 I've believed lies
 then betrayed-
I often felt
  
 I wanted to get even
punish others
 for putting me
on a shelf
  
 I often
became smothered
 in anger and hate
 -wanting to kill
not feeling safe
  
 I've fought
for others' rights
 when they didn't know
how the law swayed
 only to be left
alone
 like an abandoned stray
  
 I've often settled
for others' worth
 -left my own
to grow another day
  
 I became
the reaction
 to others' anger and hate
 instead of listening to self
 walking my own way
  
 I became
less of me
 for others
to be set free
  
 I've lost myself
to dependency
 on how others felt
 without seeing
my own need
 to be free
   to be just me
Continue reading “‘Codependent’”

‘Twenty-Year Itch’

Trust Me: It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 Twenty-Year Itch
  
 there's a glitch
 in this marriage-is-forever niche
 no one says it
 when selling their pitch
 they just say―
marriage is a gift
 no more ifs
no more endless cliffs
 but it's all a myth
for there's a ditch
 from which
comes the switch
 where love drifts
lies are rich
 truths are a bitch
change is swift
  
 heed this warnings' monolith
 the twenty-year itch
 comes from this sudden twitch
 egotistical snitch
 a labyrinth
a deceptive clinch
 leaving you adrift
lost to miff
 without even one
   understanding flinch
Continue reading “‘Twenty-Year Itch’”

‘The Hanging’

When You’re Caught In Silent Abuse

A sample from Book 1

 The Hanging
  
 the heart thumps
a thunderous bolt
 tightens and roars—
 wrapping, squeezing
like a sailor’s rope
  
 hunger escapes
while sleeplessness eludes
 jolted and battered—
 feeling the vapor
of a flowerless fool
  
 shaking
with rupturing chills
 cold and hot—
 not quite understanding
this weathering thrill
  
 voice over voice
cloud the mind
 yes or no—
 eyes turn cold
moisten
then go blind
  
 searching for light
yearning to yell
 craving an escape—
 this pending doom
to a bottomless hell
  
 beneath there’s bound
to be salvation
 somewhere to run—
 ‘til then
there’s only damnation
Continue reading “‘The Hanging’”

‘Silence of Me’

You Tend To Hang On. It’s Normal.

A sample from Book 5

 Silence of Me
  
 I look at me
I hear me
 wishing
I wouldn't be
hurting
 I ruffled the sea
this romantic bee
 twisting
words I see
 wanting
to be free
 saying
it's better for me
 misrepresenting
what
I want to be
 just you
I do see
 putting
all thoughts
free
 relating
what's
inside of me
 hoping
you'd see
confusion's deed
 all that I aim to be
all that I use to be
 my wanting
to be free
inside of me
 there's more to see
the outside sea
 wanting
you along side of me
open and free
 awakening
what used to be
  
 look at me
hear me
 all there is to be
  
 a wall closed to me
burying me
 deep
inside of me
silence of me
 wishing
I wouldn't be
  
Continue reading “‘Silence of Me’”

‘Hold My Hand’

Men: Just Do It!

A sample from Book 5

 Hold My Hand
  
 when I'm lost
 ― confused
 wanting to give up
 will you hold my hand
  
when I doubt
want a way out
 will you stick around
  
 when I'm angry
 ―scream
call you names
 will you not place blame
  
 when I cry
lost in sadness
 will you change my mind
 to live and not die
  
 when I hate
my vision clouded
 will you be my guide
 tell me my life
is not a lie
  
 when I want to run
 leave all behind
draw a heavy line
 will you walk beside me
 ―hold my hand
take my feet
from the sand
 plant them
on solid ground
  
 when I'm alone
lost in darkness
 make you want to leave
will you forgive
 help my eyes to see
 everything
I want to be
  
 when I'm here
 cold...closed up inside
 will you stay
give me space
 help me see my way
  
 when I want
to give up
 will you stand by me
take my hand
 help me be free
help me to see
 what it takes
to be happy
Continue reading “‘Hold My Hand’”

‘A Woman’s Strength’

You Deserve Appreciation and Love!

A sample from Book 5

  A Woman's Strength
  
 did you think of me today
 no call came my way
 underneath my smile I sway
no words do I say
 I thought of you all day
 as I rushed through my filled plate
  
 early I started to bake
 not long the house was laced
 with the smell of your favorite
chocolate cake
  
 the kids were at play
 a new toy
one did break
 one became the prey
the other screamed hate
 peace...I had to make
clearing the haze
 putting smiles on their face
 anger left no trace
but it was too late
 the cake―
I had to throw away
  
 ring phone ring
I did pray
 hoping you'd call to say hey
  
 then the dog did stray
 I had to move in haste
apologies to convey
 the neighbor's yard― 
a garbage-strung maze
 after an hour's pace
 a cleaned yard
done in good faith
  
 I reentered the house
 noticed it was only eight
 my day― 
moving at a slow rate
 still no word from my mate
  
 breakfast I did make
 then the taste of toothpaste
 the cleaned dish plates
no time to wait
 everyone dress
screamed hurrah
  
 to the babysitters― 
who monthly I pay
 to take my place
 a goodbye kiss
a last minute wave
 off to work
my smile...fake
  
 then I remember
I hadn't ate
 my eight-hour day
drove its heavy weight
 still no word from my mate
  
 rush-hour traffic
a nerve-raking state
 thus beginning the evening chase
 babysitter, supper
no flirter's bait
comes my way
 sent the children
off to bathe
 finally you call
again...you're working late
 a quiet evening to waste
 long, restless night
again...I must face
 until you're home
and I feel safe
  
 did you think of me today
 no call came my way
 underneath my smile I sway
no words do I say
 I thought of you all day
 as I rushed through
my filled plate
Continue reading “‘A Woman’s Strength’”