Tag: healing

‘The Depths of Me’

Whatever You Do: Don’t Quit!

A sample from Book 5

 The Depths of Me

it's been many years
since God† put me here
 from very young
my ears open to hear
 from the depths within
a push
a shove
a demand
 His† gentle, silent command
 I always knew
like so very few
 it's not me
but what I do
 that is my truth
I always knew
 until I finish
this is my sentence
  
 write, write, write
My† child
 through every second
through every mile
 you can only stop for a while
but then smile
write, write, write
My† child
 until you reach the clouds
  
 my heart's been broken
it's just a token
 He† wants me to feel
all that's real
 my pride's been crushed
 but to Him†
there's no rush
I have to plow on
 even if all that I love
selfishly moves on
  
 write, write, write
My† child
 through every second
through every mile
 you can only stop for a while
but then smile
write, write, write
My† child
 until you reach the clouds
  
 He† wants me to see
life's darkest reality
 here He† planted His† seed
so I must feed
 amazingly enough
no matter how tough
 or how many tears I cry
it's still this pen and I
 with a continued faith
in all He† has to say
  
 write, write, write
My† child
 through every second
through every mile
 you can only stop for a while
but then smile
 write, write, write
My† child
 until you reach the clouds
  
 why have you forsaken me
He† cried from the cross
 when I feel alone and lost
 He† shows me
His† love runs deep
 for, I too, cry out
scream anger and shout
  
 write, write, write
My† child
 through every second
through every mile
 you can only stop for a while
but then smile
 write, write, write
My† child
 until you reach the clouds
  
 for others
I wish no hurt
 even when
they drag me in the dirt
 here...there's no whip
nor blood to squirt
 just silence and evil words
 leaving me out in the cold
with no arms to hold
 each moment I'm weak
 wanting to cry and cry
 -just fall asleep
 He† makes me see
this is not about me
  
 write, write, write
My† child
 through every second
through every mile
 you can only stop for a while
but then smile
 write, write, write
My† child
 until you reach the clouds
  
 He's† given me a gift
I can't ignore it
 -it's not a selfish whim
I'm being true to Him†
 I've been shown
I've always known
many will criticize
many will ignore
that I'm alive
 even those who love me
 will cease to be
will leave me
will deceive me
 as the devil fights
tries to drown His† light
 I must not bend
for the Lord† moves within
 I must write 'til the end
  
 write, write, write
My† child
 through every second
through every mile
 you can only stop for a while
but then smile
 write, write, write
My† child
 until you reach the clouds
Continue reading “‘The Depths of Me’”

The Day of the Woman

How Narcissist Play Their Game

A sample from Book 9

(Written in 2016)—It’s the day of the Woman! This quote says it all right there. I write about abuse and the five stages of grief (the process of surviving through them by-way of my personal journey) and it’s ALL public. [It is in my books.] It would make sense that I’m a child of God. A stubborn one. My mama always said so, too. My daughter swears this, too. So, I am sweet. But being a survivor that I am, I’m also a raging warrior when I need to be. That’s what makes a strong woman strong.

I’ve stated that my writing was going to squash all them narcissist abusers out there. I wasn’t kidding. They can see their ways or not. Of course, none of them will because they believe they are perfect, they refuse to see how they treat people as wrong.

Continue reading “The Day of the Woman”

‘Attrition’

Ways Codependents React to Narcissists After a Breakup

A sample from Book 9

 Attrition
  
 a stable life in good–
doing what you should
 holding on tight–
what's under the hood
  
 seasons change
all the same
knowing they would–
 gripping firmly to strength
 keeping sight
in positive's look
 assuring self
you've done it right–
 gave the love you could
  
 then all stop–
a tied-up knot
the sudden chop
 from what is
to the cold, calculated not
  
 words thrown
you misunderstood
  
 you...searching
for answers in known
 looking back–
on grounds stood
 phrases said–
bouncing in head
 surely something mistook–
signs overlooked
  
 you know what you felt
 all the right moves dealt
 –the magic read in clouds
stories in books
 readings in prayer books
right there...underfoot
 all the best
in adulthood
 words clearly understood
  
 but there...lacking input
 missed lessons in hymn books
 –deceptions little nook
misguided direction
 landing
in betrayal's neighborhood
  
 all the pieces
so well together...put
 a bit in the odd–
the back-there look
  
 a moved life
in sudden maidenhood
 no written guidebook
teachings a foot–
 these misguided ways
in falsehood
  
 stripping moments of good–
 losing self
in fancy-driven gook
 scenes of hollywood
 masterminds mastering weakness–
 perils of womanhood–
 –sly little crooks
 robbing more livelihood–
 what was already shook
  
 tighter goes the knots
yet another sudden stop–
 that letting-down drop
 forcing
the non-welcomed re-surfacing
 of anger's top
that place–
you thought chopped
  
 lessons learned in crop–
 that sudden stop
strengthens the lot
 of hurt's already
worn-out blot
  
 out goes buddhahood–
peaceful mind
turns to soot
 promises of a finally found–
 true
honesty in real's manhood
 lost once again
in a dreamer
stuck in boyhood
  
 all this defend
breaks self down–
 losing the will it took
 to again's stuck in pussyfoot
 –for nothing more
 than mere, stagnated driftwood–
 too hard for firewood
too nimble-footed
 too backwoods
to be anyone's
true knighthood
  
 so you just dawn an old frock
 cover all the clocks
mourn what's not
 –lessons thrown to floors
then mopped
 live a bit in shell-shock
  
 then, again fight
return good
 to its original spot
 –add the lost
 to false-love's overflowing
melting pot
 –take a minute...sob
tie tighter the knot
 listen to some hip-hop
suck on some lollipops
 –try to forget
once more...robbed
 trying to convince self–
 heartbreak
not your mascot
  
 but hope steps on in
 forcing self
back into believe–
somewhere, out there
 a heart's coming
your world to rock
 without ever again
the sudden stop
 from what is
to what's not–
love in flop
Continue reading “‘Attrition’”

Where Narcissists Get Their ‘Feel-Good’ Empowerment From?

(March 17, 2019)―Reading. That’s what I’ve been doing. One author who caught my attention over a year ago through her videos and website is Shahida Arabi who has become an expert on the subject of narcissists and their many manipulative, abusive ways. I will write a lot more about her findings, including my personal experiences, when my website is up and running. For now, there are two important points that Arabi makes in her article titled ‘5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Manipulate You’ from her book titled Power.

The 5 powerful ways are of course:

Continue reading “Where Narcissists Get Their ‘Feel-Good’ Empowerment From?”

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”

Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!

A sample from Book 9

Oh! Are you in for a treat! I began talking about codependency in Book 6. I didn’t see the horror in it until 2015…that need to make others happy began to affect me in the worse way. The following is part of the Introduction to Book 9 in My 12-Book series.

To heal…to completely heal from abuse, you have to deal with the codependent in you. It won’t be easy. From this book all the way to Book 12, I fought it. You can do it, too. Trust in the journey and get my books…I do have a different answer than most do.

Continue reading “Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!”

Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!

A sample from Book 8

It’s a process. Sometimes a long one depending if abuse was in the mix. The follow is part of the Introduction to my 8th book in My 12-Book Series. It’s just the beginning of the acceptance stage. Depression still follows. Anger still follows you. You have a journey, but you can do it.

My journey took a twist by adding another relationship to the mix. This book is only the beginning to that. Oh! You just gotta love those who just think they don’t do any wrong. Life’s quite a ride!

“…This book is an exploration of self: Overcoming the anger, the hurt, seeing the damage and healing, understanding how God brings us to something in order to help us and not hinder us, to understand that God’s timing is not our own…and it doesn’t matter how we want to rush it, He’ll stop us in our tracks, slow us down in order for time to heal…[time to] work its magic.

Continue reading “Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!”

This Is What Depression from Betrayal Looks Like

A sample from Book 7

All different shades! No one handles betrayal the same…or do we? We rage. We scream. We yell and cry. What happens after that? Depression. How you handle it is up to you. Many times…we don’t have a choice how that plays out. The following is from the Introduction of my 7th Book in My 12-Book Series.

“There are things you have to do to take care of yourself during this stage. You have to get out of it. I know showing you how I got through the initial shock of it, will help you make through alive!

Continue reading “This Is What Depression from Betrayal Looks Like”

‘Fight from Inside’

How Do You Want To Heal?

 Fight from Inside
  
 all around
build a shield
 allow inside
glory in heal
 this magic of love...feel
 –let it be
your strongest appeal
  
 in the Christ†
let His† words build
 hold steady
forbid evil to steal
 all around
let love be real
  
 devour it
like your last meal
 on your knees...kneel
 make it your biggest deal
 all that bottled, stored away pain–
 let it all
to the floor
spill
  
 let Yeshuah† take the wheel
 don't anymore
this pain
conceal
 break loose
fill your heart with zeal
 all the layers
back
peal
  
 then...after you break through
all the fears
 after all the tears
after all the fight
 after all
what made you cry
through nights
 –everything that put you
through the mill
 release all that you feel
send it all to God†–
 that final bill
  
 then...begin a new life's reel
 with only joy
consuming
your journey's field
Continue reading “‘Fight from Inside’”