Tag: domesticabuse

‘Choices’

The Lie: How Far Would You Go?

A sample from Book 9

 Choices
  
 what's with you
you evil whore
 coming in my door
trying
to rattle my feathers
 don't you know
you'll only be shattered
  
 it's not even a bother
not even a matter
  
 my Mighty Warrior†
awaits in amusing wonder
 –ready to pound
His† rage in thunder
  
 no, you silly, hopeless looter
 it's no immediate tit-a-tater
 His† time
mover in slow swinging of chimes
 comes at you
in kind
  
 allowing your laughter
pitter-patter
 –friends in gather
 while His† children
take on your karma
 in prayer
becoming the fighter
  
 He† watches them
in wonder
 
why, to them, you even matter
  
 He† knows
His† heart fills with joy–
 He's† their father
He† watches their struggle
 how in tears
they fumble
 how in their faith
they don't waver
 how over you
they sit...pray...think over
  
 He† let's this go on
for a while
 proud...each...His† true child
 their sighs, their fears
their doubts
 –little by little
He† releases them
 –pulls them out
favors them
with His† glory
  
 for each person
you tried to use
 to get through–
 –instead
His† children came through
for Him†
 in dirt
left you to waddle
 in soft words
saying...fuck you
  
 as His† children's hearts settle–
 He† gathers His† armor
 prepares for His† battle
  
 there's no riddle
to what He's† capable
 –He† never deviates
from principle–
 what He's† always commanded
He† still demands
  
 He's† forgiving
He† forewarns
 His† unconditional love
brings no harm
 –choices
man's very hand
  
 His† prepared armor
 isn't about you
you evil whore
 He's† preparing to fight
your brought on strife
  
 He† lowers His† head
a tear...streams down
 rain, thunder rages
waiting
for the open heart
 sincerity in ask
to begin His† task
 watching strife consume
 waiting, waiting, waiting
pounding His† heart
  
why is it so hard
 placing down
truth's card
  
 unconditional love
He† gives
choices we get
 He† doesn't step in
 'til open
true hearts begin
  
 then...only then
He'll† fight–
 slaughter that strife
 brought on by you
you evil whore
 –slam shut
your damn door
 move your victim's path
into the light
 where He† stays to fight
'til they win
 –do their gift
   coming from within 
Continue reading “‘Choices’”

Are You Being Submissive Willingly?

(March 2, 2019)—Submissive. I rejoined POF. I was on this site in 2012 and got off because it was foul. I paid this go around to see if anything’s better just for conversation. There’s some interesting folks.

I had an interesting conversation with a guy and the word submissive was brought into the conversation. I had seen this word on another guy’s profile…and it just blew my mind! They are demanding that a woman be submissive!

Continue reading “Are You Being Submissive Willingly?”

The Day of the Woman

How Narcissist Play Their Game

A sample from Book 9

(Written in 2016)—It’s the day of the Woman! This quote says it all right there. I write about abuse and the five stages of grief (the process of surviving through them by-way of my personal journey) and it’s ALL public. [It is in my books.] It would make sense that I’m a child of God. A stubborn one. My mama always said so, too. My daughter swears this, too. So, I am sweet. But being a survivor that I am, I’m also a raging warrior when I need to be. That’s what makes a strong woman strong.

I’ve stated that my writing was going to squash all them narcissist abusers out there. I wasn’t kidding. They can see their ways or not. Of course, none of them will because they believe they are perfect, they refuse to see how they treat people as wrong.

Continue reading “The Day of the Woman”

‘Suffocation’

Breaking That Anger Cycle!

A sample from Book 12

 Suffocation
  
 this heart
renders a need
to hurt, to bleed
 that moment
joy
wants to intercede
 I halt its need
to proceed
  
 happy's unending
perseverance
to feed

 fear takes over me
 stopping
pathways in receive
 ‒instill in me
to believe
 every thought
in my mind–
 it's always in conceive
the reaction of angry
 it's heart-stealing deceive
 as a child
is all I did see
  
 I push hard
to the dream–
if I could just free me
 –all that anger
I did see
 a child
not long in maturity
 lose myself
in its captivity
 of what it means
to be me  
Continue reading “‘Suffocation’”

‘Attrition’

Ways Codependents React to Narcissists After a Breakup

A sample from Book 9

 Attrition
  
 a stable life in good–
doing what you should
 holding on tight–
what's under the hood
  
 seasons change
all the same
knowing they would–
 gripping firmly to strength
 keeping sight
in positive's look
 assuring self
you've done it right–
 gave the love you could
  
 then all stop–
a tied-up knot
the sudden chop
 from what is
to the cold, calculated not
  
 words thrown
you misunderstood
  
 you...searching
for answers in known
 looking back–
on grounds stood
 phrases said–
bouncing in head
 surely something mistook–
signs overlooked
  
 you know what you felt
 all the right moves dealt
 –the magic read in clouds
stories in books
 readings in prayer books
right there...underfoot
 all the best
in adulthood
 words clearly understood
  
 but there...lacking input
 missed lessons in hymn books
 –deceptions little nook
misguided direction
 landing
in betrayal's neighborhood
  
 all the pieces
so well together...put
 a bit in the odd–
the back-there look
  
 a moved life
in sudden maidenhood
 no written guidebook
teachings a foot–
 these misguided ways
in falsehood
  
 stripping moments of good–
 losing self
in fancy-driven gook
 scenes of hollywood
 masterminds mastering weakness–
 perils of womanhood–
 –sly little crooks
 robbing more livelihood–
 what was already shook
  
 tighter goes the knots
yet another sudden stop–
 that letting-down drop
 forcing
the non-welcomed re-surfacing
 of anger's top
that place–
you thought chopped
  
 lessons learned in crop–
 that sudden stop
strengthens the lot
 of hurt's already
worn-out blot
  
 out goes buddhahood–
peaceful mind
turns to soot
 promises of a finally found–
 true
honesty in real's manhood
 lost once again
in a dreamer
stuck in boyhood
  
 all this defend
breaks self down–
 losing the will it took
 to again's stuck in pussyfoot
 –for nothing more
 than mere, stagnated driftwood–
 too hard for firewood
too nimble-footed
 too backwoods
to be anyone's
true knighthood
  
 so you just dawn an old frock
 cover all the clocks
mourn what's not
 –lessons thrown to floors
then mopped
 live a bit in shell-shock
  
 then, again fight
return good
 to its original spot
 –add the lost
 to false-love's overflowing
melting pot
 –take a minute...sob
tie tighter the knot
 listen to some hip-hop
suck on some lollipops
 –try to forget
once more...robbed
 trying to convince self–
 heartbreak
not your mascot
  
 but hope steps on in
 forcing self
back into believe–
somewhere, out there
 a heart's coming
your world to rock
 without ever again
the sudden stop
 from what is
to what's not–
love in flop
Continue reading “‘Attrition’”

Where Narcissists Get Their ‘Feel-Good’ Empowerment From?

(March 17, 2019)―Reading. That’s what I’ve been doing. One author who caught my attention over a year ago through her videos and website is Shahida Arabi who has become an expert on the subject of narcissists and their many manipulative, abusive ways. I will write a lot more about her findings, including my personal experiences, when my website is up and running. For now, there are two important points that Arabi makes in her article titled ‘5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Manipulate You’ from her book titled Power.

Continue reading “Where Narcissists Get Their ‘Feel-Good’ Empowerment From?”

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”

‘Thrust in Turns’

Freeing Yourself From Codependency

A sample from Book 11

That’s an interesting question. It’s the biggest question that I tackle in my 11th book of My 12-Book Series. It’s a tough order. Just the Introduction was a tough order to write. The writing extensive and so was my life at the time.

Codependency showed its ugly face over and over bringing me to pure helplessness. I struggled. I fought against everyone. I was determine to find a way to break this crap. I refuse to believe that there was no cure. Everyone was lying and I was determined to prove it! Don’t be put off. There’s still another book that follows this one. Here’s part of my Introduction to Book 11.

Continue reading “‘Thrust in Turns’”

Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!

A sample from Book 9

Oh! Are you in for a treat! I began talking about codependency in Book 6. I didn’t see the horror in it until 2015…that need to make others happy began to affect me in the worse way. The following is part of the Introduction to Book 9 in My 12-Book series.

To heal…to completely heal from abuse, you have to deal with the codependent in you. It won’t be easy. From this book all the way to Book 12, I fought it. You can do it, too. Trust in the journey and get my books…I do have a different answer than most do.

Continue reading “Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!”

Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!

A sample from Book 8

It’s a process. Sometimes a long one depending if abuse was in the mix. The follow is part of the Introduction to my 8th book in My 12-Book Series. It’s just the beginning of the acceptance stage. Depression still follows. Anger still follows you. You have a journey, but you can do it.

My journey took a twist by adding another relationship to the mix. This book is only the beginning to that. Oh! You just gotta love those who just think they don’t do any wrong. Life’s quite a ride!

“…This book is an exploration of self: Overcoming the anger, the hurt, seeing the damage and healing, understanding how God brings us to something in order to help us and not hinder us, to understand that God’s timing is not our own…and it doesn’t matter how we want to rush it, He’ll stop us in our tracks, slow us down in order for time to heal…[time to] work its magic.

Continue reading “Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!”