Tag: freedom

‘Testing Will’

Testimony: One of God’s messengers. Saying YES to the Big Man Upstairs…no matter what! My 4-year journey for love, no matter the consequences!

 Testing Will
  
 He† knows me deep within
 He† knows I'd give in
 then...feel the guilt of sin
  
 He† held me
within this evil den
 all along–
 as I felt alone and abandoned
 as I cried and cried
struggling, fighting
 –evil's bid to win
  
 four years in this brethren
 a feel of insanity's hymn
 negative thoughts...pounding
 smothered in foreign emotions
 evil aware of the reason
 –knowing
the purpose of my season
  
 sometimes
losing it without praying
 lost in extreme's commotion
 at me...came every explanation
 learning my self
in its manipulation
  
 evil tried to win
 it tried everything
 digging its teeth within
  
 my angels were fighting
 holding me in their wings
 'til I was in delivering
 –my will weakening...strengthening
 a day-to-day variation
 –wanting it all to end
  
 this sixth sense
gave its warning
 the stay kept on coming
 along with each
secretive manifestation
in hiding
 as anxiety and panic
kept attacking
  
 my self-esteem
furiously stripping
 burying me in ignoring
 playing in my sexuality–
 what was left
of its intention
 through emotional baiting
fight's annihilation
 this dizzying world
kept me sinking
 'til my hands
living in jittering
 my eyes...blurring, drying
 my hair in constant falling
 my weight in agonizing gaining
 my chest in heavy palpitations
 my body lost
in fatigue's aggravation
 my mind fighting negative
horrid inventions
 my mouth became
acid's salutation
 from yelling, screaming
foul annotations
 to a vicious appeal
in chanting
  
 I held on tight
to the calling
 knowing...soon...it was ending
 pleading and begging
 praying and sleeping
 dreaming and imagining
 –holding on to
the coming glorification
  
 packing and moving
 God's† quick verification
 to do it
even through questioning, doubting
 –it all wasn't fabrication
 or some childish exaggeration
 but a purposeful delivering intention
 –a message coming through....
 fighting evil's blocking mechanism
 for a soul in saving
 me: a favor in returning
 as God's† hardened instrumentation
  
 I took it in breaking
 codependency's formulation
 –holding on tight
to God's† coming verification
 all...
leading to enlightening, awakening
 a coming out
spiritual connection
  

My Continued Spiritual Journey and My Latest Revelations…Because God Said So!

(June 13-July 6, 2019)―In this article: I will recap some events that led up to today where I’m sitting; I will show and explain how numbers work when it comes to messages and I will show how signs work (I’ve included pictures to demonstrate what I’m talking about); I will talk about the veils; I will talk about receiving messages and delivering them; and I will reveal God’s Grace once again, and how He shows His gratitude when we do what He wants us to do. So, sit back, grab a cup of coffee (because this is a very long work), and get ready to be amazed! God is powerful. God is just. God is sincere. God makes a promise and shows His mercy and delivers once we complete our vows and/or the missions that He requests from us. Learning to listen is key!

Continue reading “‘Testing Will’”

‘Hidden Treasure’

Discovering the hidden treasure in yourself!

 Hidden Treasure
  
 I found it
in the mince of broken
 it was afraid and hidden
 an abundantly harvested token
 ‒over used and forsaken
  
 I took it in
without fear's notion
 ‒not even feeling a demotion
 I bathed
in its scented potion
 rolled around
in its storied creation
  
 I overlooked‒ 
its wicked formation
 for I saw‒ 
a different translation
 ‒one that needed
a believer's gratification
 one with a heart-filled formulation
  
 I listened
to its every beckon
 sometimes, in stages of drunken
  
 all around...deemed it poison
 something to be shackled‒ 
in a far-away prison
  
 I threw out‒ 
traditionalized opinions
 nothing stuck‒ 
rotten or forbidden
 its scent just heightened
 ‒nothing could be wrong
or mistaken
  
 I moved like lightening
 intentional burns‒ 
gone...forgotten
 ‒days passing slow, steadfast‒ 
good ridden!
 I drove it‒ 
to an endless vacation
 ‒whatever conviction
out...came my eviction
  
 I smiled as I saw its rising
 all my stops...fully opened
 pulling it out of hopeless‒
 with my inner-most motivation
 ‒a darkened star had risen!
  
 I fought everything
in grand petition
 every inside concentration‒
 I put aside
rose to the occasion
 ‒with the fierceness of driven
 this hidden treasure
overcoming every treason
 to become the lamination
of a new generation!
  
 stop!....
  
 reveal
came its different ideas written
 all avenues taken‒ 
off records...stricken
 –beating all those defeating‒ 
overcoming...petitions
 a losing validation!
  
 I lost to its mention
 ‒there...in its private station
 came to life‒ 
its own treasure hidden
 in all its careful motions‒
 belts and strings
forcefully tightened
  
 I craved to be enlightened
 –nothing valued...given
 anything to elevate my vision
 halted in moments of frighten
  
 I fought constant bent roads‒
 tried to straighten
tried to remember each lesson
 through all that glistened‒
 it had its own secrets woven
 ‒knowledge in listen
 mixing up pointless decisions
 taking all the forgivens
 icing them‒ 
in the forever of frozen
  
 yes, I found it
in the mince of broken
 it was afraid and hidden
 an abundantly harvested token
 ‒over used and forsaken
  
 but all the good of will‒ 
off...steadily shakened
 breathing‒ 
living a horrid token
 in anger's hidden conviction
 ‒all that's been stolen‒ 
on others
its constant reliving
  
 it found its way‒ 
in rebuilding
 using knowledge given
 slashing‒ 
all help's salutations
 keeping to itself‒ 
a stolen formulation
 ‒to avoid sharing‒ 
treasures hidden
 as I sit
in lost wanderings–
 moments
I took it
out of forsaken
Continue reading “‘Hidden Treasure’”

‘Anger’s Infest’

Anger wants you steadfast! God wants you moving forward!

 Anger's Infest
  
 feel it beneath your skin
 evil's way of getting within
 actions in horror's den
 ‒ways of evil's perfect sin
  
 it'll trap you in cussing
 it'll condemn you in swearing
 pulling at you...probing
 wanting your reaction
 for it's only satisfaction
  
 it'll take all
of your triggering notions
 you...down...dragging
 as it smiles
in sadistic laughing
 craving your giving in
 your fight...it's welcoming
 celebrating
your mind's condemn
  
 anger...evil's infested gem
 words, actions
its consistency in playing
 wanting you
self to defend
 so it can celebrate
in its win
  
 feel it beneath your skin
 evil's way of getting within
 actions in horror's den
 ‒ways of evil's perfect sin
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Infest’”

‘You Bitch!’

Simple Ways for You to Defeat Negative Self Talk

A sample from Book 12

 You Bitch!
  
 I've got an itch
 ‒pouring through my mind
a well-dug ditch
 screaming words in myth
to the highest pitch
 forcing me down a darkened pit
 ‒a text-blasting trip
 becoming an accusing witch
 out to smash an invisible zit
  
 every word on my lips
 disguised in angry fits
 passing along this typed niche
 thinking it's hip
making itself rich
 ‒taking advantage of my slip
  
 you evil bitch!
I'm gonna smash you to bits
 I'm so tired of your shit
 in the bud...I'm gonna nip
 not for a moment anymore
 forever...your throat
I'm gonna slit
 
 over the top
I'm gonna flip
 dunk you
down below...permanently dip
  
 no more...you get wit
 over the head‒ 
you...I'm gonna hit
 no more playful glitches
 in God†...get a good whiff
 of wine I'm gonna sip
sit back‒
 finally be done
with your controlling, irrational blip
 up goes my middle finger‒ 
see the tip
 up yours!
you piece of shit!

(October 16, 2018)—Are you mad at me for cussing? Get over yourself. This is a commentary that screams—It’s time for some cussing!

I’m going to give you some good information here if you suffer from depression, anger, negative self-talk to help you start turning things around in your life. Don’t worry. I’m taking this same journey, so let’s ride!

I’m doing two workshops at one time. The one on anger which I wrote a few posts about this past week and a happiness workshop. I’m also reading a second workbook titled Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff.

Continue reading “‘You Bitch!’”

‘Truth’

Racism, hate: Evil’s best friends. Don’t let it consume you!

A sample from Book 11

 Truth
  
 liars seek truth‒
 falsifying a life
without any light
  
 manipulation...their due
 cutting it on cue
 ‒without noticing
the coming dues
  
 their belief‒ 
trying to convince you
 all they do
true, true, true
 backing them‒ 
there are few
  
 their spots change
sending you to the loo
 oh! what to do?
 ‒without cursing them, too
  
 truth is truth
existing
no half truths
 ‒it's either all true
 or just makings
of a waterloo
Continue reading “‘Truth’”

‘Places Shackled’

You’ve got to ask God and stop complaining!

A sample from Book 10

  Places Shackled
  
 He† asked not to forsaken Him†
 yet gives a choice‒
 free-will to accept within
  
 analogies, theological preachings
 leads only to leeching
 the wrong, deceitful teaching
 ‒a constant arguing of bitching
 leaves hungry souls
 waiting, anticipating
in places allowing shackling
  
 He's† proven enough
for everyone's love
  
 He† doesn't have to do rough
 ‒that's the enemy's stuff
but He'll† get tough
 when love's smothered in crud
  
 to push buttons
lead people to suffering
 ‒He's† testing
seeing who's believing
 wondering how long
for hearts in changing‒
 faith begins ringing
  
 amazing to watch‒ 
tickings of the cock
 deceptions...coming in hot
 ‒evil's little bot
 it'll be easy to come in‒ 
without a knock
 as you wage wars
on a dot
  
 careful now‒ 
He† understands wow
 hears every prayer in loud
  
 evil things...He† does allow
 waiting for the choice
a hungry heart's voice
 in free-will...the bow
 ‒without asking how!
Continue reading “‘Places Shackled’”

‘Looking Within’

Men miss the point of what makes a woman special!

A sample from Book 10

 Looking Within
  
 it's not to your treasures
you are bound
 look carefully around‒ 
is your heart sound
  
 quantity of possessions
 do you measure
your worth
 all your journey's identities‒
 do you take pleasure
now...from your birth
 is that the quality
your only creation
  
 all your roads traveled
 of life‒ 
are you still baffled
 wishing‒ 
you were still
in the cradle
 wishing‒ 
on no experiences
to tattle
  
 is it no more a mystery
 your back there history
  
 for every lesson
comes a reason
 for the next season
  
 round and round
goes the merry-go-round
 'til no more
you see the clown
 never lost, never found
 stuck in between
that round and round
 not seeing the lesson
not rightfully sound
  
 'til it comes from within
 the stuck
always in begin
again and again
  
 so sad at the end
feeling still in begin
Continue reading “‘Looking Within’”

‘Internal Exposure’

Ladies: ‘Lean In’ and take the lead!

A sample from Book 10

 Internal Exposure
  
 get it out–
 that ingrained lesson
in your head
  
 stop! suppressing it–
 instead...shout
you are not dead
  
 don't worry about
green or red–
 stand out
too many...already bled
 for you to shrivel in dread
  
 don't quiver...beg
you do have a choice–
 redefine what's been fed
 rewire that inside voice
  
 female verses male– 
look who's already led
 down, down, down– 
the bottom of a cell
 –on the surface
why do we still tread
  
 slogans they spread
find a good man
 –what happens
after I thee wed–
 dreams...cave-on in
 while man elevates in win
  
 pretty little mommy
on lists of craig–
 might as well list
held back little mommy
 –tuck her...nice and sweet
in her bed
  
 advancement's common thread–
 smart like daddy
 t-shirts read
propaganda of j.c. penny
 –analogies deeply bred
  
 she's just a girly
 words...over and over
said
  
 follow the creed
every line...in the 'reg'
 –you're a 'she'
be a teacher in ed
 or a nurse for ned
forget going into med
 forget running for the leg
or even a pres
 –don't you see
for this– 
you need a third leg
  
 words...buried in the head
 advancing...common avoidance
 leaving girls...in dread
 hanging their intelligence
on a peg
  
 I'll say it...what other's said
 get out of your head
 go out...lead
forget the man-ego clout
 don't be misled
don't listen to internal's doubt
 bypass labels...bitch, bossy
 –ambition is not damnation!
 but a reclassification...recondition
 of old worn, torn traditions
  
 here's some jubilation:
  
 it's okay...go red
 save green
for those babies
you wean
  
 you can do both
 let that...in...soak!
  
 it's okay to be a queen!
 expose that internal dread
 in front of the crowd– 
be in the lead
 –hire someone to clean
 forget all those slogans said–
 you're a woman– 
removed from bygone's dead
  
 be heard...seen
 never again
hiding behind
 tradition's thread
  
 let another make that bed– 
dawn those heels
 paint those lips red
 rewrite those unwritten regs
 that wrongly imposed
   man-ego driven creed
Continue reading “‘Internal Exposure’”

‘Hands to Hold’

Is race going to continue to rule your life?

A sample from Book 10

 Hands to Hold
  
 you come at me
 you're not discrete
bold...unsure
  
 maybe there's a gun in my hand
 maybe I've some contraband
  
 or maybe I just like hands in pocket
 or wearing my earphones in my car
 so I can answer this here phone
 for this car absent of bluetooth–
 protecting me and you
  
 or maybe you're angry– 
having a bad day
 I pass your way
 through your veins runs hate
 so I become your play
  
 I'm just like you‒
 generation after generation
 passed through
without obligations
 to changing the view
  
 –it all seems like voodoo
 we both– 
not really having a clue
 ‒taking it upon ourselves
 get off that dusty shelf
change the view
 so our kids
won't suffer too
  
 maybe I do have a gun
 –anger raging in stun
 do you see inside of me
 my hard history
maybe my hand shakes
 though you can't see
 –you're so angry
 not seeing what's at stake
  
 maybe I did some drugs–
 stopping the pain
 keeping from going insane
 but soothing I didn't gain
 all looks like a game
 emotions adding to more pain
  
 then you come along
 thinking I'm a thug
 you want to cut me down‒
 stump me like a bug
 without knowing the deal at home
 why I'm here– 
a gun...all alone
  
 maybe don't yell
 talk...love– 
let it swell
  
 instead of jail– 
lead my soul to help
 without making me
hate myself
  
 I, too, want peace
 between you and me
  
 maybe instead of arrogance‒
 show understanding
compassion
  
 I don't want a free ride
 just a reason...inside
not to cry
  
 I am tough
I've got muscles, tats
 my life has been rough
 –crazy and all that
 it doesn't mean
I'm just stuff
to pluck
  
 a handshake
a hug
  
 –that just might be
enough
  
 I'm a human being
 I don't mean to sting
  
 just a little bitter
 please, your anger–
 could you reconsider
  
 look at me for me
God's† child
 making my way...like you
 through the miles
  
 –the past is gone
this is now
 together– 
we can make it all
worth while
 if we just remain calm–
 approach each other
in mild
 without death coming in fowl
Continue reading “‘Hands to Hold’”

‘Colorless Birds’

We’re all various shades of brown!

A sample from Book 10

 Colorless Birds
  
 a failed adhesion
 ‒mixed hypercritical damnation
 of all the hysteria‒
 the misunderstood mystery
hundreds of years
 still shed tears
still darkened fears
  
 what was fought
so hard for
 it doesn't seem
we came too far
 even living
under the same stars
 color‒ 
keeps bringing us back
 ‒justice lacked
white...black
 heresy in a broken-down shack
  
 tackle the government
 ‒greed's endowment
 keeping
that stupid war's enlightenment
 taking it's very commitment
back to days of judgment
  
 where are the colorless birds
 ‒haven't you heard
that war ended
 in a blood-soaked swirl
 leaving this mixed-race girl
in a confused swirl
  
 ‒still an uneven world
lost in racial twirls
  
 we're still paying tokens
 ‒what was broken
 thought to be fixed
 ‒all should be mixed
 still backwards
the clock tics
  
 years and years
suffered pain
 what did we gain
 ‒it's just insane
 still playing
this black-white game
  
 didn't king die
for a simple dream
  
 to live in a time
where there is no color
  
 just people
where each other 
 given no time to smother
no matter skin color
 you're still my sister, my brother
  
 honoring a man's life
 doesn't give war the right
 to bury the dream
 ‒words he openly screamed
 leave hatred...difference behind
 to each other
be kind
  
 it's just time
stop banking on race
 look into each other's face
 see beauty's lace
   of God's† amazing grace
Continue reading “‘Colorless Birds’”