”Secret’ No More!’

Their Play Is All the Same!

A sample from Book 9

 'Secret' No More!
 
the cat's out the bag
 
on the surface‒
I no longer scratch
‒don't want to sound
like a hag
not even a nag
but I'm done
playing this little game
of tag
 
I no longer want
the jab‒
that sneaky, sly syntax
keeping me in a corner
my existence entrapped
secrets over nightcaps
 
for so long
at it
I merely laughed
playing along‒
this hidden
out-of-sight craft
 
for so long
I fell into its path
to feel barely half
of a lover's swag
 
not any more
do these eyes sag
I now see
the repeated red flags
 
here they are‒
if you want to keep track
here they are‒
if your eyes
are stuck in lack:
 
away from public view‒
begins
the slow, gentle snatch
 
text this, text that

a hi here
a hey there
even the wyd flair
 
then the ignore
playing-with-the-mind anthrax's
added-on little snap
 
maybe a phone call or two‒
avoiding a bit of snag
 
(the now understood common trap)
 
oh! how texting does that
 
‒just a tiny dab
the get-what-they-want hatch
 
turning texting to sexting
in a flash
 
then sit back...relax
as she falls in the trap
her mind...now attacked
with a little zap‒
man-ego-driven
mind-boggling witchcraft
sealed and wrapped‒
one-sided—playing-out wrath
 
sexting‒
the perfect-controlling telegraph
 
then comes
the moving-on slow raft
to get that big splash
‒adding to their stash
images behind
a monitored glass
 
a little skin
in flash
with some sexy sass
 
the building in pizzazz
wanting more
of that flabbergast
 
building, building
téte-a-téte
 
then veiled in a masque‒
when questions invade
the on-and-off going chitchat‒
 
a quickened spat
back to the ignoring splat‒
ego...alive and well
in combat
 
'til comes that final blast
flesh to unmask
an act in diplomat
making her feel all that‒
the sexy little kitty cat
 
‒the play in chat
becomes
an in-the-flesh transact
 
good or bad‒
putting her in abstract
continued words on a pad‒
her mind to distract
rather hijacked
from their away-from-her
reality fact‒
 
she's not the only lass‒
their on-going sexting hack
blatant ways in acrobat‒
that and this
this and that
 
'til her avoided questions
forces a react‒
 
why not spend time with me
why the constant disappearing act

 
she innocently asks
wanting beyond
the sexual wrap‒
wanting out of secret's
hidden tap
 
the continued avoiding lap
puts her mind
in wondering's rasp
 
all-stop...hold
goes the lit glass‒
with no returned téte-a-téte
or to-the-door dash
or a together attach
nor explanations to patch
or synchronizing photographs
not even a social-media match
 
her mind opens up‒
I've seen all that
recognizing perfectly
the plotted graph
 
experience, experience
the exact-patterned zigzag
she's once again caught
knowings in fact‒
 
their intentions
won't go
any further than that
 
for her unanswered questions
suspicions‒
her experiences in reasoning
reality's opened-up rap‒
 
she's just one of many cats
in their secret's rattrap
 
‒with all these red flags
no need for a polygraph
I don't even need an ax
or a wiretap
not even some mindless booby-trap
 
just a sentence or two‒
seeing through the claptrap
then sit back
watch the unwrap‒
 
innocence offers a laugh
 
let's fix this hash
to you...I want to holdfast
let's have a blast
out in the open

'let's make our splash
 
guilt opens up the wrath
 
a shutting-down fast
placing-blame lash
social-media delete
the final smash‒
the secret
given the shaft
 
no longer do I fly half-mast
no longer am I the secret
in stash
 
yes, the red flags
seen in perfect format
 
I'm no spoiled brat
not even
lost in over-react
 
this kitty cat
just knows where it's at
 
I'm more than just a paragraph‒
a secret in scraps
 
I'm all or nothing
an out-in-the-open en masse
willing to adapt
with another walking
the same path
Continue reading “”Secret’ No More!’”

When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!

This one sergeant in my Army days in Germany called me Marie Laveau…lol…another one bites the dust! One of them will be strong enough to handle my energy some day. If they can let go of their pride long enough. I’ve had enough of man-ego-pride to last a life time.

Continue reading “When His Next Best Thing Comes Along!”

‘Floating in Air’

Stress-Free Zone Ahead!

A sample from Book 8

 Floating in Air
 
I came around
to see change
shortening the range‒
just to see
all's the same
 
so I float
in this air
here and there
hoping for flair‒
hearts open
gentle love's token
but all's still broken
‒all's still forsaken
eyes still closed
minds sealed‒
that forever
round and round wheel
 
so I'll reside here
just for a while
give a little time
then off I'll fly
forget
all this here try
fully learning
no one can rearrange
what's lost
in derange
what refuses
to grow
stay stuck
in naysayer's flow
 
so here
I'll just float in air
give a chance
a second
a third
then off
I'll go
 
hit the road
seek places
where real love
flows
without needing
chances to prove
out right show‒
I won't just be there
flowing freely in airs
desiring to share
‒easy will come
care
 
yes, somewhere
out there
lies a place
one face
overshadows
two-faced
where real
the only deal
‒truth
over comes fool
this place
I'll feel the overwhelming
need
to drool
 
there‒
I'll come down
stand on solid ground
without a need
to just float in air
for then
I'll truly feel a need
to open up‒
for something
care
feel life's breath
in share
really be there
in that place
somewhere
Continue reading “‘Floating in Air’”

‘Use It To Be It’

What ‘Not’ To Do When It Comes To Your Past!

A sample from Book 8

 Use It To Be It
 
it happened‒
look back there
once, twice, thrice
‒don’t stay there
 
turn that wayward stare
towards something rare
 
turn that experience
into deliverance
 
he may have gotten you
clouded your view‒
that hidden abuse
that traditional muse
 
demanding traits of you
change your clothes
‒that too
so subtle, so quiet
 
you went along
after all‒
you had a home
someone
to call your own
 
time ticks
‘til matters click
change comes quick
 
only for you‒
 
he’s his own game
inside...the same
hiding from you
‘til open...wide
clear becomes the view
 
you fell hard
that knife
beyond sharp
 
but here you are
wearing
a survivor’s star
wondering‒
lies where
your somewhere
 
from back there
turn that clouded stare
‒things begin to clear  

don’t put that past
totally in the rear
 
take it‒
use it with class
bettering you
pave an avenue
 
‒there’s no excuse
only you
had the view
 
share it‒
help others
overcome it, too
 
that place
out there
elevates
what he tried to kill
 
now
you’re headed somewhere
while
he’s stuck back there
 
there’s nothing to it‒
it’s just fair
 
his childish control
becomes
your gold
Continue reading “‘Use It To Be It’”

‘Keynotes of Woman’

Men: Satisfy Your Woman!

A sample from Book 8

 Keynotes of Woman
 
woman remains undefined
her complete design
‒never a crossing line
she's God's† greatest mystery
she'll never give
totally clarity
‒it's the journey of he
enjoy this road of discovery
 
here's one simple note
you should know
‒keeps her from go
pay attention
this one simple lesson
keeps you
out of option
 
a woman
puts a man
in complete
only

when she's wrapped up
tight and neat

 
a little explaining‒
those stuck
in lame
 
‒heads up
no time for sleeping
or you'll miss
keys to keeping
 
woman summits
‒man
everything he'll get
only when
he knows
the right tricks
 
he can leave
abandon, lie, cheat
blame her
attempt
‒destroy her complete
but there's something
he...just doesn't get
 
in every case‒
the same, the same
he's the true blame
‒her wanting didn't remain
 
he's the guide
making her open wide
or inside
tightly hide
 
she must see
all that's in him‒
she must feel
continually free
‒totally complete
 
when she feels
his every treat
when she sees
his deal
‒his desires, strength...real
trust builds‒
moving her to free will
her heart‒
he steals
 
her inner self
the most important reality
gaining for he
simple stability
 
when he
brings her to melt‒
that place
she loses herself
all her desires
she's ready to face
‒her inner fire
opens
begins floating
losing herself
in feelings of ease
 
when she's brought
to that place
over and over
‒without any need
of race
trying...faking
not one single trace
 
when her body's needs
left
in complete's please
the rest of her‒
follows
in receive
 
all makes her whole
complete's package
without findings
of shortage
‒free
no feelings
lost in bondage
 
then...only then
she moves him
to complete
freely‒
wanting to please
his every, single need
 
no need to plead
for actions of he
moved her to total's free
‒everything in she
gives‒
leaving him
in the gift of pleased
 
when he
slips into sleep
fulfilling her needs‒
some sort of disease
away‒
run...retreat
she knows
as kisses flow
her body grows cold
react fades
lonely consumes
her days
‒her inside make
turns to fake
 
woman holds no control
‒how her body rolls
 
she desires feelings in gold
(passion's bold)
 
she loses to cold
only‒
when he folds
forcing feelings‒
move on down the road
her shutting down
felt
all around
‒her heart
moves in stealth
to some place else
 
warnings to heed
to that of he:
 
keep her in free
her sexuality‒
something to see
nothing‒
she'll hide
in he‒
open and wide
she'll fly
bringing he
to high
Continue reading “‘Keynotes of Woman’”

‘Twenty-Year Itch’

Trust Me: It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 Twenty-Year Itch
 
there's a glitch
in this marriage-is-forever niche
no one says it
when selling their pitch
they just say―
marriage is a gift
no more ifs
no more endless cliffs
but it's all a myth
for there's a ditch
from which
comes the switch
where love drifts
lies are rich
truths are a bitch
change is swift
 
heed this warnings' monolith
the twenty-year itch
comes from this sudden twitch
egotistical snitch
a labyrinth
a deceptive clinch
leaving you adrift
lost to miff
without even one
understanding flinch
Continue reading “‘Twenty-Year Itch’”

‘The Hanging’

When You’re Caught In Silent Abuse

A sample from Book 1

 The Hanging
 
the heart thumps
a thunderous bolt
tightens and roars—
wrapping, squeezing
like a sailor’s rope
 
hunger escapes
while sleeplessness eludes
jolted and battered—
feeling the vapor
of a flowerless fool
 
shaking
with rupturing chills
cold and hot—
not quite understanding
this weathering thrill
 
voice over voice
cloud the mind
yes or no—
eyes turn cold
moisten
then go blind
 
searching for light
yearning to yell
craving an escape—
this pending doom
to a bottomless hell
 
beneath there’s bound
to be salvation
somewhere to run—
‘til then
there’s only damnation
Continue reading “‘The Hanging’”

The Day of the Woman

How Narcissist Play Their Game

A sample from Book 9

(Written in 2016)—It’s the day of the Woman! This quote says it all right there. I write about abuse and the five stages of grief (the process of surviving through them by-way of my personal journey) and it’s ALL public. [It is in my books.] It would make sense that I’m a child of God. A stubborn one. My mama always said so, too. My daughter swears this, too. So, I am sweet. But being a survivor that I am, I’m also a raging warrior when I need to be. That’s what makes a strong woman strong.

I’ve stated that my writing was going to squash all them narcissist abusers out there. I wasn’t kidding. They can see their ways or not. Of course, none of them will because they believe they are perfect, they refuse to see how they treat people as wrong.

Continue reading “The Day of the Woman”

‘Attrition’

Ways Codependents React to Narcissists After a Breakup

A sample from Book 9

 Attrition
 
a stable life in good–
doing what you should
holding on tight–
what's under the hood
 
seasons change
all the same
knowing they would–
gripping firmly to strength
keeping sight
in positive's look
assuring self
you've done it right–
gave the love you could
 
then all stop–
a tied-up knot
the sudden chop
from what is
to the cold, calculated not
 
words thrown
you misunderstood
 
you...searching
for answers in known
looking back–
on grounds stood
phrases said–
bouncing in head
surely something mistook–
signs overlooked
 
you know what you felt
all the right moves dealt
–the magic read in clouds
stories in books
readings in prayer books
right there...underfoot
all the best
in adulthood
words clearly understood
 
but there...lacking input
missed lessons in hymn books
–deceptions little nook
misguided direction
landing
in betrayal's neighborhood
 
all the pieces
so well together...put
a bit in the odd
the back-there look
 
a moved life
in sudden maidenhood
no written guidebook
teachings a foot–
these misguided ways
in falsehood
 
stripping moments of good–
losing self
in fancy-driven gook
scenes of hollywood
masterminds mastering weakness–
perils of womanhood–
–sly little crooks
robbing more livelihood–
what was already shook
 
tighter goes the knots
yet another sudden stop–
that letting-down drop
forcing
the non-welcomed re-surfacing
of anger's top
that place–
you thought chopped
 
lessons learned in crop–
that sudden stop
strengthens the lot
of hurt's already
worn-out blot
 
out goes buddhahood–
peaceful mind
turns to soot
promises of a finally found
true
honesty in real's manhood
lost once again
in a dreamer
stuck in boyhood
 
all this defend
breaks self down–
losing the will it took
to again's stuck in pussyfoot
–for nothing more
than mere, stagnated driftwood–
too hard for firewood
too nimble-footed
too backwoods
to be anyone's
true knighthood
 
so you just dawn an old frock
cover all the clocks
mourn what's not
–lessons thrown to floors
then mopped
live a bit in shell-shock
 
then, again fight
return good
to its original spot
–add the lost
to false-love's overflowing
melting pot
–take a minute...sob
tie tighter the knot
listen to some hip-hop
suck on some lollipops
–try to forget
once more...robbed
trying to convince self
heartbreak
not your mascot
 
but hope steps on in
forcing self
back into believe–
somewhere, out there
a heart's coming
your world to rock
without ever again
the sudden stop
from what is
to what's not
love in flop
Continue reading “‘Attrition’”

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”