‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
 
upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
–a go-getter
they couldn't take
she...never wanting‒
any kinda hate
‒that was never
her intended fate
‒she let love lead the way
ending in heavy price's
to pay
 
only in moments
she lived in sedate
all them medical doctors
had to medicate
she just needed room‒
a bit of space
to grasp the idea
of her body ache
never using it as an escape
‒it hurt...and she was its bait
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
upon her shoulders‒
she wears the cape
an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
–emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
a burning heart
left in saturate
mixed with anger
lust and hate
screaming
without intentional berate
from love
that just couldn't stay
 
then again‒
she let love be her mate
a heart damaged‒
in too many ways
–again...a turn in obliterate
a brain burned in uncultivate
all that damage‒
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
men who couldn't bear
the cape
of her physical‒
being in waste
 
she knows she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–but others led her to fall
not caring the damage at all
 
she now wears‒
a suit of armor
from love's mate
as the heavy scars from fake–
I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
the writer in massive create
 
she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
so she shoulders damage
left behind–
by carelessness
and self hate
building her rose‒
from a destroyer's
intentional state
 
she knows‒
she gave it all
she wasn't some pity rage doll–
standing somewhere in stall
she answered a simple call
–others led her to fall
not caring
the damage at all
 
oh! how
she can stand tall–
she picked herself up
from the fall
using the rest of her life
in God's hall
lost to true love's
missed call
she knows‒
she gave it her all
–it was not her
that caused
the fall!

(April 24, 21019)—I was sent to a heart specialist today. Although I’m 50, I’m always the youngest in the room when it comes to things like this. (I started saying this phrase back in 2013 when I returned to the VA. I was always the youngest in the room back then.) So, I’m sitting there going through Scriptures, keeping my mind occupied. I didn’t want to think about why I was there. Then I got called to the back. A slew of tests were ordered, including a monitor, which I’ll have to wear for a week.

Continue reading “‘Shouldering Damage’”

‘Twenty-Year Itch’

Trust Me: It’s Not Your Fault!

A sample from Book 6

 Twenty-Year Itch
 
there's a glitch
in this marriage-is-forever niche
no one says it
when selling their pitch
they just say―
marriage is a gift
no more ifs
no more endless cliffs
but it's all a myth
for there's a ditch
from which
comes the switch
where love drifts
lies are rich
truths are a bitch
change is swift
 
heed this warnings' monolith
the twenty-year itch
comes from this sudden twitch
egotistical snitch
a labyrinth
a deceptive clinch
leaving you adrift
lost to miff
without even one
understanding flinch
Continue reading “‘Twenty-Year Itch’”

‘Silence of Me’

You Tend To Hang On. It’s Normal.

A sample from Book 5

 Silence of Me
 
I look at me
I hear me
wishing
I wouldn't be
hurting
I ruffled the sea
this romantic bee
twisting
words I see
wanting
to be free
saying
it's better for me
misrepresenting
what
I want to be
just you
I do see
putting
all thoughts
free
relating
what's
inside of me
hoping
you'd see
confusion's deed
all that I aim to be
all that I use to be
my wanting
to be free
inside of me
there's more to see
the outside sea
wanting
you along side of me
open and free
awakening
what used to be
 
look at me
hear me
all there is to be
 
a wall closed to me
burying me
deep
inside of me
silence of me
wishing
I wouldn't be
 
Continue reading “‘Silence of Me’”

‘Text Me’

Moving Through Anger with Bargaining!

A sample from Book 5

 Text Me
 
in this phone
I am a clone
away from home
easily...I roam
no longer alone
 
words I've thrown
cast a bone
string along
however long
I want you to belong
 
in this phone
I'm on loan
read my worded song
I'm wearing a thong
―hear me moan
I'll send a picture―
for your visual tone
 
with words I'm strong
―played like a trombone
I can turn you on
in my world
you'll be drawn
 
in this phone
nothing's wrong
it's my zone
imaginations grown
 
be careful―
if to me you're drawn
I'll take you
where you've not yet gone
for in this phone
I own
my imaginary throne
I'll make you moan
dance to my song―
your emotions
get too strong
I'll exit
and be gone
Continue reading “‘Text Me’”

‘Hold My Hand’

Men: Just Do It!

A sample from Book 5

 Hold My Hand
 
when I'm lost
― confused
wanting to give up
will you hold my hand
 
when I doubt
want a way out
will you stick around
 
when I'm angry
―scream
call you names
will you not place blame
 
when I cry
lost in sadness
will you change my mind
to live and not die
 
when I hate
my vision clouded
will you be my guide
tell me my life
is not a lie
 
when I want to run
leave all behind
draw a heavy line
will you walk beside me
―hold my hand
take my feet
from the sand
plant them
on solid ground
 
when I'm alone
lost in darkness
make you want to leave
will you forgive
help my eyes to see
everything
I want to be
 
when I'm here
cold...closed up inside
will you stay
give me space
help me see my way
 
when I want
to give up
will you stand by me
take my hand
help me be free
help me to see
what it takes
to be happy
 
Continue reading “‘Hold My Hand’”

‘A Woman’s Strength’

You Deserve Appreciation and Love!

A sample from Book 5

  A Woman's Strength
 
did you think of me today
no call came my way
underneath my smile I sway
no words do I say
I thought of you all day
as I rushed through my filled plate
 
early I started to bake
not long the house was laced
with the smell of your favorite
chocolate cake
 
the kids were at play
a new toy
one did break
one became the prey
the other screamed hate
peace...I had to make
clearing the haze
putting smiles on their face
anger left no trace
but it was too late
the cake―
I had to throw away
 
ring phone ring
I did pray
hoping you'd call to say hey
 
then the dog did stray
I had to move in haste
apologies to convey
the neighbor's yard―
a garbage-strung maze
after an hour's pace
a cleaned yard
done in good faith
 
I reentered the house
noticed it was only eight
my day―
moving at a slow rate
still no word from my mate
 
breakfast I did make
then the taste of toothpaste
the cleaned dish plates
no time to wait
everyone dress
screamed hurrah
 
to the babysitters―
who monthly I pay
to take my place
a goodbye kiss
a last minute wave
off to work
my smile...fake
 
then I remember
I hadn't ate
my eight-hour day
drove its heavy weight
still no word from my mate
 
rush-hour traffic
a nerve-raking state
thus beginning the evening chase
babysitter, supper
no flirter's bait
comes my way
sent the children
off to bathe
finally you call
again...you're working late
a quiet evening to waste
long, restless night
again...I must face
until you're home
and I feel safe
 
did you think of me today
no call came my way
underneath my smile I sway
no words do I say
I thought of you all day
as I rushed through
my filled plate
 
Continue reading “‘A Woman’s Strength’”

‘The Experience’

Your Anger Turns to Lust to Move You!

A sample from Book 5

 The Experience
 
I'm your past
I'm what
didn't last
I'm what
could
never last
 
I'm the passing blast
to move through
really fast
with the quickness
of a kisser's dash
 
I'm the wine glass
wearing a mask
making
my on-stop splash
 
I'm your past
leaving you
in a gasp
easily slipping
from your grasp
in your mind
thoughts are cast
in my heart
the debris
of a failed lover's task
Continue reading “‘The Experience’”

‘Anger’s Brethren’

Don’t Use the Children!

A sample from Book 5

 Anger's Brethren
 
its face is ugly
peeking through
little by little
building its soul
one small piece at a time
 
vulnerability
it patiently waits
then the attack
increasing the heartbeat
clouding
a once throughout plan
wilting the roses
rains replacing sunshines
beautiful language
turns to spiteful vengeance
over ruling logic
hardening
closing open hearts
 
its face is ugly
destroying all good
taking its time
taking all time
closing doors
'til love exist
no more
Continue reading “‘Anger’s Brethren’”

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”

Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!

A sample from Book 9

Oh! Are you in for a treat! I began talking about codependency in Book 6. I didn’t see the horror in it until 2015…that need to make others happy began to affect me in the worse way. The following is part of the Introduction to Book 9 in My 12-Book series.

To heal…to completely heal from abuse, you have to deal with the codependent in you. It won’t be easy. From this book all the way to Book 12, I fought it. You can do it, too. Trust in the journey and get my books…I do have a different answer than most do.

Continue reading “Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!”