(April 8, 2019)—The commentary for my piece titled ‘Salvation’s Need’ I speak about salvation and God taking grace away if we go against Him. A friend called and told me that God does not take away grace. I beg you differ.
Ever since the incident with the Jeep, I have been reverted back to feeling like crap. I can’t seem to return to the good diet that was making me feel great, nor the tanning, nor the exercising. I’m told to get an attorney and sue these people, but, at the same time, that’s not what I’m supposed to do. Faith. I’m supposed to rely on faith. I’ve been battling with all of this lately.
I finished my vow. I’m supposed to wait now. And my relationship with the sweet man…what relationship? All my values, morals, principles are in question right now…every single thing I stand for! The voice of death has crossed my threshold several times in these last couple of months because I’m so tired of fighting, so tired of people lying to me. I’ve been in a battle per say.
I have been working late on my website and getting up late each day. I had gotten myself on a schedule, but that has been thrown out the window. I suddenly have that rush again…like I’m up against a clock. So, this morning after reading a few things on Facebook, I got my coffee and sat down. My Bible and writing tablet staring at me. The pull to cry came from way deep inside. And the tears started to fall. I started to feel sorry for myself. I see my sisters posting about their lives. My little sister and her family. I asked myself, ‘Where’s my joy? Where’s my family?’
AversionContinue reading “‘Aversion’”
You† stripped me of life
sent me into strife
in order for me
to truly see the light
I knelt...prayed for truth
stripped of wisdom‒
made into a fool
only to rise then fall in glue
stuck in deceived...malice
drowning in the body's surface
lust took hold...every crevice
my mind stuck in evil's drool
lying, stealing...seeking revenge‒
all evil's time in consume
I surrounded myself‒
in the duel
bathing in its fumes
yelling, pulling, yanking
trying to see truth
‒in all I assumed
all its evilness‒
pulling me from the light
pushing me‒
to take my very life
over and over‒
keeping me in strife
leaving...I think not!
laughing at my struggle‒
in fight
holding me down from flight
suffocating‒
blinding my sight
I prayed to see truth
now I see evil's embedded rules
the play‒
leaving countless clues
lust being its endless tool
using love‒
in its game of fools
Lord†, I see the aversion‒
I see the message in truth
in my mind‒
the careless insertion
‒troubled heart
sunk in its inclusion
I know why they sink‒
into drugs...sexual immorality
they were too young
when it all begun
to fight evil's manipulating reality
get to the children first
‒You† showed me this
before any verse
revealing truth‒
way before my coming doom
then my 360...then the loop
three adults in evil's coop
the wreckage‒
I didn't know what to do
for I was encaged, too
get to the children first
innocence‒
pulled from the light
no strength
to put up a fight
‒growing up
with an inside strife
splitting the mind
evil...preventing
the thinking of twice
Lord†, thank you
for the truth
please clear my mind‒
fill me with You†
evil strangles
all that's true
I'd rather be filled with You†
than lust's
careless drool
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