Tag: indiviuality

‘You Bitch!’

Simple Ways for You to Defeat Negative Self Talk

A sample from Book 12

 You Bitch!
  
 I've got an itch
 ‒pouring through my mind
a well-dug ditch
 screaming words in myth
to the highest pitch
 forcing me down a darkened pit
 ‒a text-blasting trip
 becoming an accusing witch
 out to smash an invisible zit
  
 every word on my lips
 disguised in angry fits
 passing along this typed niche
 thinking it's hip
making itself rich
 ‒taking advantage of my slip
  
 you evil bitch!
I'm gonna smash you to bits
 I'm so tired of your shit
 in the bud...I'm gonna nip
 not for a moment anymore
 forever...your throat
I'm gonna slit
 
 over the top
I'm gonna flip
 dunk you
down below...permanently dip
  
 no more...you get wit
 over the head‒ 
you...I'm gonna hit
 no more playful glitches
 in God†...get a good whiff
 of wine I'm gonna sip
sit back‒
 finally be done
with your controlling, irrational blip
 up goes my middle finger‒ 
see the tip
 up yours!
you piece of shit!

(October 16, 2018)—Are you mad at me for cussing? Get over yourself. This is a commentary that screams—It’s time for some cussing!

I’m going to give you some good information here if you suffer from depression, anger, negative self-talk to help you start turning things around in your life. Don’t worry. I’m taking this same journey, so let’s ride!

I’m doing two workshops at one time. The one on anger which I wrote a few posts about this past week and a happiness workshop. I’m also reading a second workbook titled Pathways to Recovery, A Strengths Recovery Self-Help Workbook by Priscilla Ridgway, Diane McDiarmid, Lori Davidson, Julie Bayes, and Sarah Ratzlaff.

Continue reading “‘You Bitch!’”

‘Humble of Mercy’

You Want It to Be! So Bad….

A sample from Book 12

 Humble of Mercy
  
 she shivered in the sun light
 thinking of words in the night
 take care of yourself
 make this all count
 it's not as bad as it seems
  
 –wondering...
if this is really all right
  
 she covers her eyes from the bright
 words...thoughts in her head
 filling her morning's sight
 you've heard this before
words of deception
 he doesn't want you no more
 don't let 'fool' be your salvation
  
 ‒wondering...
why the needless blight
  
 then the bible's insight
 saying it's going to be all right
  
 the unease feels her insides
 but her heart digs in tight
 it was always him‒ 
since all the darkened twilight
 why so hard to get it right
 why so much fight
  
 she washed her face
forced a smile to the light
 dawned her makeup
ignored age's height
 the saddened night
 throwing sorrow to the wind‒
 the need to cry...howl
all night
  
 her heart sits right
 she adhered to the boundaries‒ 
set outright
 time needed with the light
 she can't fight
without insight
 cleansing her insides, beautying her outsides
 letting the magic pour from God†
 as age moves on
lessening her life
 –each piece
becomes more precious, more fragile
  
 learning not anymore
to gamble
 what's wrong, what's right
 just listening to the light
without a fight

(September 26, 2018)—

Praise for Joy and Security of the Righteous—Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.’ As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom in all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.―Psalm 16

Continue reading “‘Humble of Mercy’”

‘Knife’

Surviving the Knife of Those Who Betray You!

A sample from Book 12

(April 21, 2018)—That knife becomes weaker when we gain the support of others, when we start to see the true meaning behind our life. That knife doesn’t come out that easy especially when you see everyone’s true disclosure.

There’s so much to say, then there’s nothing to say. I have this much on my mind: If they don’t want to see you, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, they won’t see you.

I’ve said a lot here on Facebook. I revealed a lot…but there’s a lot I haven’t revealed. So you only get a piece of the puzzle…never the whole picture. Why? Because I do have a life and part of that life is private as for everyone else. There’s a lot of pain I cover up…and, yes, there is still pain. There will always be pain because an entire portion of my life has been wiped out…and not by choice.

I tried calling my daughter. It appears that she’s changed her number. I think that odd because the words I last typed her in text were answers to words she said to me, but I’m held totally accountable. Why? Oh, because I’m 49 years old and should know better. I’m the mom…but that doesn’t come into affect when I’m called by my name instead of Mom. Just saying….

 Knife
  
 it was put in there‒ 
nice and tight
 when I move around
to the left, to the right
 it reveals its price
 ‒how it changed my life
 the strength it took‒ 
robbing my mind
 the way it makes me wanna fight
 even if it isn't right
 even if I said...say...things impolite
 I was...am...gonna fight
 ‒even while speaking of the light
  
 at times, I feel like a poltergeist
 a faded memory...sliced and diced
 forgotten the way I was
 forever entombed in what I've become
 not a homicide
 ‒a genocide of all that was nice
 womanly, motherly...dignified
 downgraded to a parasite
 ‒not fit for normal's life
  
 should I be lost in contrite
 bowed down in pity...outright
 or was I absolutely right
turning childlike
 begging for help‒ 
from Jesus Christ†
  
 who has the right to decide‒ 
I'm the sacrifice
 in order for them‒ 
to have their paradise
  
 who had the right‒ 
shift truth to lies
 bury this knife
in what used to be‒
 a mother, sister, daughter, wife
  
 in me...it so mystifies
 how everyone becomes tongue-tied
 when abuse is in transcribe
 ‒the victim screams in alive
 how extreme...me...it mortifies
 that, no matter which way‒ 
death...comes in die
 twist, twist, twist the knife
 gone daughter, sister, mother, wife
  
 rebuilding exemplified
the alibis become jives
 words in wisdom...just implied
 while words...wombs...rob the mind
 memories of building the first life‒
 took one times forty-five
  
 pull, pull, pull out the knife
time in modify
 is there another forty-five
 my, my, my how it mystifies
 what comes of‒ 
pulling out the knife
Continue reading “‘Knife’”

‘Ex-foliate My Soul’

You have to leave others out of ‘self’!

A sample from Book 12

 Ex‒foliate My Soul
  
 I still hear the winds blow
 I know, still, from and to
the direction it goes
 I depend, too much
on human souls
 ‒directing my emotional role
  
 these feet‒ 
so stuck in muddy ground
 I've lost the feelings
of being found
 trying to understand
hear...every sound
 I've stumbled away
from which I'm bound
  
 raise me up, oh Lord†
 unclog‒ 
these maggot-filled holes
 rub your sands deeply in‒
 pull me out
as you wash away clean
 the filth
of this infested bowl
 help me again‒ 
feel fit and lean
 where I once had strength
of a lion
 ‒the sanctuary
of a crystal clear stream
  
 enlighten my heart, sweet Jesus†
 relight this drive
I so carelessly left behind
 enrich my soul
wash away the corrode
 so me, in ease, I can stand
on my own two feet
 understand words in my heart
 having strength to sort
 ‒without falling apart
  
 yes, Lord†, raise my tempo back up
 so I can feel, once more
the unstoppable me
 ‒that pure individual feeling
of being free
 without the need
of another's glee
  
 I open me up‒ 
mind, body, soul
 I'm, again, letting go
 so...whichever the winds blow
 matter is not needed
 for I'll be free again‒
 in the total of
letting go
Continue reading “‘Ex-foliate My Soul’”

‘Thank You for the Time’

Let yourself learn from the lessons given!

A sample from Book 12

  Thank You for the Time
  
 I often mix up the rhyme
 wanting the rhythm
in times
 then I think
this life of mine
 has to end some time
  
 thank you, Lord†, for the time
 the silence
the frozen bones
 thinking deep...on my own
 without stories to tell
 ‒just a visit home
  
 thank you, Lord†, for this time
 everyone has seeds sewn
 everyone to everyone...cloned
 beeps from a wireless phone
 passing on‒ 
without really being known
  
 I thank you anyway, Lord†
for this time
 for bleak bitterness
in my mind
 for the tearing love
in my heart
 ‒I once fought so hard
feeling so torn apart
 in this space...I am caught
 reading words‒ 
to me...once taught
  
 thank you, Lord†
my lessons are mine
 listening deep‒ 
watching go by...the time
 wondering if enough‒ 
I've been kind
  
 no backwards
only forwards
 can I move the line
 taking the lessons‒ 
building new rhyme
 understanding the journey
 through time
is not just mine
  
 thank you, Lord Jesus†
 for all those moments
in time
 I'll bring them all in
 play with them
in my mind
then cherish the rhyme
 after all, You've† given me
the time
Continue reading “‘Thank You for the Time’”

‘Looking Within’

Men miss the point of what makes a woman special!

A sample from Book 10

 Looking Within
  
 it's not to your treasures
you are bound
 look carefully around‒ 
is your heart sound
  
 quantity of possessions
 do you measure
your worth
 all your journey's identities‒
 do you take pleasure
now...from your birth
 is that the quality
your only creation
  
 all your roads traveled
 of life‒ 
are you still baffled
 wishing‒ 
you were still
in the cradle
 wishing‒ 
on no experiences
to tattle
  
 is it no more a mystery
 your back there history
  
 for every lesson
comes a reason
 for the next season
  
 round and round
goes the merry-go-round
 'til no more
you see the clown
 never lost, never found
 stuck in between
that round and round
 not seeing the lesson
not rightfully sound
  
 'til it comes from within
 the stuck
always in begin
again and again
  
 so sad at the end
feeling still in begin
Continue reading “‘Looking Within’”

‘Internal Exposure’

Ladies: ‘Lean In’ and take the lead!

A sample from Book 10

 Internal Exposure
  
 get it out–
 that ingrained lesson
in your head
  
 stop! suppressing it–
 instead...shout
you are not dead
  
 don't worry about
green or red–
 stand out
too many...already bled
 for you to shrivel in dread
  
 don't quiver...beg
you do have a choice–
 redefine what's been fed
 rewire that inside voice
  
 female verses male– 
look who's already led
 down, down, down– 
the bottom of a cell
 –on the surface
why do we still tread
  
 slogans they spread
find a good man
 –what happens
after I thee wed–
 dreams...cave-on in
 while man elevates in win
  
 pretty little mommy
on lists of craig–
 might as well list
held back little mommy
 –tuck her...nice and sweet
in her bed
  
 advancement's common thread–
 smart like daddy
 t-shirts read
propaganda of j.c. penny
 –analogies deeply bred
  
 she's just a girly
 words...over and over
said
  
 follow the creed
every line...in the 'reg'
 –you're a 'she'
be a teacher in ed
 or a nurse for ned
forget going into med
 forget running for the leg
or even a pres
 –don't you see
for this– 
you need a third leg
  
 words...buried in the head
 advancing...common avoidance
 leaving girls...in dread
 hanging their intelligence
on a peg
  
 I'll say it...what other's said
 get out of your head
 go out...lead
forget the man-ego clout
 don't be misled
don't listen to internal's doubt
 bypass labels...bitch, bossy
 –ambition is not damnation!
 but a reclassification...recondition
 of old worn, torn traditions
  
 here's some jubilation:
  
 it's okay...go red
 save green
for those babies
you wean
  
 you can do both
 let that...in...soak!
  
 it's okay to be a queen!
 expose that internal dread
 in front of the crowd– 
be in the lead
 –hire someone to clean
 forget all those slogans said–
 you're a woman– 
removed from bygone's dead
  
 be heard...seen
 never again
hiding behind
 tradition's thread
  
 let another make that bed– 
dawn those heels
 paint those lips red
 rewrite those unwritten regs
 that wrongly imposed
   man-ego driven creed
Continue reading “‘Internal Exposure’”

‘Colorless Birds’

We’re all various shades of brown!

A sample from Book 10

 Colorless Birds
  
 a failed adhesion
 ‒mixed hypercritical damnation
 of all the hysteria‒
 the misunderstood mystery
hundreds of years
 still shed tears
still darkened fears
  
 what was fought
so hard for
 it doesn't seem
we came too far
 even living
under the same stars
 color‒ 
keeps bringing us back
 ‒justice lacked
white...black
 heresy in a broken-down shack
  
 tackle the government
 ‒greed's endowment
 keeping
that stupid war's enlightenment
 taking it's very commitment
back to days of judgment
  
 where are the colorless birds
 ‒haven't you heard
that war ended
 in a blood-soaked swirl
 leaving this mixed-race girl
in a confused swirl
  
 ‒still an uneven world
lost in racial twirls
  
 we're still paying tokens
 ‒what was broken
 thought to be fixed
 ‒all should be mixed
 still backwards
the clock tics
  
 years and years
suffered pain
 what did we gain
 ‒it's just insane
 still playing
this black-white game
  
 didn't king die
for a simple dream
  
 to live in a time
where there is no color
  
 just people
where each other 
 given no time to smother
no matter skin color
 you're still my sister, my brother
  
 honoring a man's life
 doesn't give war the right
 to bury the dream
 ‒words he openly screamed
 leave hatred...difference behind
 to each other
be kind
  
 it's just time
stop banking on race
 look into each other's face
 see beauty's lace
   of God's† amazing grace
Continue reading “‘Colorless Birds’”

‘Unshattering’

‘Unshatter’ Who Others Want You To Be!

A sample from Book 9

 Unshattering
  
 don't look at me
 –your indifference
 don't say you know me
 –a casual acquaintance
 don't try to control me
 –words are just cadence
 don't think you have me
 –trivial acceptance
  
 all things of me– 
 –piece after piece
 glued, sewn, stapled...rebuilt
 whatever it took– 
rekindled this book
  
 take a good, hard look– 
whatever I could
 not caring...if I should
 nor daring...if I would
  
 it's all just burned wood
reasons understood–
 renewing me
back to peace
 –a whole lot of free
 this place
I can just be
  
 don't come at me
 thinking
you'll change me
  
 this unshattering of me
took time, deeds
 please, please, please
of others' reprieve
 –to undo
the beating of me
  
 secrets aren't hidden from me
 through your swirling sea
clearly I see
 –it's so easy
to flee
 without missing
one beat
  
 go on...see
in a breeze
I'll swerve
 I know what I deserve
  
 no longer...this me
covered in ego's dirt
 no, no...I'm in free
 I'll easily flirt
test the waters
 –even in the deepest of curves
 avoid pride's careless surf
'cause I can, you see
  
 no longer...this heart beat
 buried in condition's thirst
 me...you cannot convert
 aware, I am
this value in worth
 the whole of me–
  
 a choosing little tweet
 –accept me
 –go on
the street...beat
  
 in choice...I'm free
 no longer sufferings in need‒
 living carefree
in wanting desires of please
 –the truth of me
   who I'm meant to be
Continue reading “‘Unshattering’”

‘Quiets in Storms’

You Be You. Let Me Be Me!

A sample from Book 8

  Quiets in Storms
  
 open thoughts
living only once
 one...one long moment
in count
 which way
which way
to bounce
 choices to pound
determines ways bound
  
 silence the rush‒
 eyes in storms
see alarms‒
 which hat worn
determines coming forms
  
 stay in hate's way
or let go
just flow
 talk...talk a lot
let life know
  
 trust in God†
 or in silence
build knots‒
 life in compliance
  
 open thoughts
 one life
one...only one
 given chance to bounce
  
 live in it
 or from coveted walls
let it stall
 see it
without ever
actually
 knowing it
at all
Continue reading “‘Quiets in Storms’”