Tag: Codependency

‘Source’

Anxiety created from the fight against codependency!

A sample from Book 11

  Source
  
 she waits‒ 
closes her eyes
 breathes deep
 ‒her face tingles
her heart races
 her palms sweat‒
 a heat under her skin
rises...coming quick
  
 shh...she repeats to herself
  
 each sound
each speck of light

 builds the burning

she fights
  
 shh...again and again
  
 don't do it...not again
 she begs repeatedly
  
 settle down, please
  
 begging, begging

   the exploding need 
 
 building, building
  
 forcing her mouth closed
 forcing her body steal
 ‒as tears stream down her face
  
 begging, begging
  
 can't you see...anyone
 can't you see
I'm trying, trying...
 my grip is slipping...
  
 as she loses control‒
 her mouth yells
or her tears fall
 ‒no matter who's around
 down, down, down
she falls
  
 back to a child‒ 
innocent, broken
 just for a while
  
 'til she regains
strengthens
 to go
one more round
in life's paradigm
 where between herself
and herself
she fights
  
 hoping, hoping
  
 the next time‒ 
she'll steady the line
 ‒that too often...
 breaks her holding-together vine
  
Continue reading “‘Source’”

‘Truth’

Racism, hate: Evil’s best friends. Don’t let it consume you!

A sample from Book 11

 Truth
  
 liars seek truth‒
 falsifying a life
without any light
  
 manipulation...their due
 cutting it on cue
 ‒without noticing
the coming dues
  
 their belief‒ 
trying to convince you
 all they do
true, true, true
 backing them‒ 
there are few
  
 their spots change
sending you to the loo
 oh! what to do?
 ‒without cursing them, too
  
 truth is truth
existing
no half truths
 ‒it's either all true
 or just makings
of a waterloo
Continue reading “‘Truth’”

‘Disillusionment’

When politics blinds your truth!

A sample from Book 11

 Disillusionment  

 she stood there shaking
 what have I done‒
 causing this imagined awakening
 ‒have I forsaken
 forgive me, Lord†
ease this hating
  
 in her silence
her heart opened
 ‒a simple token
 what truly lived
in this here maiden
  
 she watched them all
 as the stones began to fall
 ‒to her knees
no longer...she felt tall
 over and over
coming at her skin‒
 little hard balls
  
 then a sudden stall
stopped...silence
 a mere moment
she recalled
  
 the dust settled
 her tightly closed eyes opened
 upon her dress‒
 tiny red splattered drops dribbled
 her pain...tiny tickles
 what...a blink before‒ 
it seemed a fable
  
 her fear lifted‒  
was this a gift
 her sins shifting
to ultimate's forgiveness
 ‒this she did not know
 but the sudden stop
 ‒she felt her heart unfold
  
 cast your stone‒ 
if clean...your bones
  
 she heard the voice
then the made choice
 as all around
stone after stone
 hit...not her
but the ground
  
 silence remained
she still knelt‒
 in blood stains
 as shifting of feet
the sudden in retreat
  
 silence...not daring
to lift her head
 then a shadow overcame the red
 a hand reached out
get up child
 a mere whisper without shout
  
 strength from Him† came
 as her legs rose
 ‒her eyes did the same
  
 His† light dried her tears
 all became so clear‒ 
her heart felt clean
 in His† eyes...she seen‒ 
truth's unending scene
 her life redeemed
it wasn't a dream
 ‒pure and serene
forever...trust in Him†
 she proclaimed
 for the Lord†...by her side
remained
Continue reading “‘Disillusionment’”

‘Troubled Soul’

Other people’s issues are not yours!

A sample from Book 9

  Troubled Soul
  
 your mixed personality
 doesn't blend with reality
  
 your verbal kindness
 doesn't add to
your stalking rudeness
  
 returning to reality
 ‒stripping all vulnerability
 takes...taking responsibility‒
 actions of self
before experiencing life...truly
  
 changing personalities
 doesn't insure securities
 needed‒ 
to strengthen possibilities
  
 living in denial
mile after mile‒
 brings the mind
to crash
heading south‒
 once there
 ‒getting there
 you can only ask...how
  
 take a look inside
your round and round ride
 ‒a mind in hide
never subsides
 'til you stop for a while
 sink in like a child‒ 
all your wounds...untie
  
 open that book
given by God†
 look deep...deep into your I
 write down your whys
all that pain
 bringing you to hide‒ 
all those cries
  
 all those ancient words‒
 so many have heard
 let them be your guide
it takes time
  
 people won't untie‒ 
all those knots inside
 ‒admittance...of self
 the help of only God†‒ 
your only needed drive
 way...way deep inside
 ‒then He'll† show you
how to fly
 without you‒ 
   having to ask why
Continue reading “‘Troubled Soul’”

‘Laughing Smile’

God wants us happy. Evil wants us sad! You do the math!

A sample from Book 9

 Laughing Smile
  
 it took her a while
 breaking open that smile–
 gaining the strongest need
 laugh...laugh like a child
  
 she didn't need to ask how–
 she lifted her heart to God†
 walked long, long miles
for that laughing smile
  
 she sealed it...inside
 bringing it out
when gone was her doubt
  
 no, she didn't have to shout
 she learned to keep her head
in the clouds
 forgetting
what frowns were about
 –just laugh...yes she did
out loud
  
 she had it down-pat
that girly laugh
 –adding a bit of sass
you do the math–
 she intended for it to last
 not caring
where she was at
 at anyone
came that laughing sass– 
 smiling so big
walking
shaking her ass
  
 she knew that surety
 came straight
from the Lord†
 she didn't have to ask
what for
 she just knew
she was worthy
  
 then this thunder came
bringing her to lame
 her truthfulness
remaining the same
 fighting off
anger's vengeful flame
 as her world
tipped its bowl
a once.again fold–
 that place
she promised herself
she wouldn't go
  
 she didn't choose the fold
 it just slide
in to corrode
 sinking its stronghold–  
not letting go
  
 burying
in an inside rage
 she...again
locked herself in a cage
  
 patiently she began to wait
 living a bit sedate
 wondering...why so late
that smile on her face
  
 then there it was...gleaming
 like in a summer's dream
 waiting there
to be redeemed
  
 she didn't think twice
 remembering how it felt
so real, so right
 she didn't really fight
 she just walked
the way of the light
  
 its uncertainty remains–
 her holding onto it
a bit of a strain
 struggling through the rain
 that comes with pain
  
 it did take her a while
 breaking open that smile–
 regaining that need
 to laugh
laugh like a child
  
 the first time
the second time
 she didn't need to ask how
 so she did again– 
lift her heart to God†
 taking on long, long miles
 –for it's always worth the wait
 for that laughing smile
Continue reading “‘Laughing Smile’”

‘Traces in Forgive’

The Lie: Destroys. Steals. Kills. You decide!

A sample from Book 9

 Traces in Forgive
  
 she felt its trace
sweet word's lace
 soft-spoken based
 deep inside- 
yes...she felt its trace
  
 sneaking up inside
like a burning desire
 
 give it
let it live

 as her sixth sense
stood the fence
  
 no, no, no
it's all a show
  
 face after face
 encountering
same's constant date
 lies, deception, betray
 nothing real
stands behind
words in say
  
 she bows her head
thinking of words said
  
 why this careless play
why not just go away
  
 then tears cry
not for self–
 as in her bed
she lies
 –but for souls
behind her tries
 –their coming day
 served on a self-made
imagined silver-lined tray
  
 karma
its coming arena
 choices in free-will
 consequences- 
already sealed
  
 in her bowed stance
she dances her dance
 –for them
solemn in pray
 nothing more to say
 for truth
all they had to do–
 say it
-her total
  
 I forgive you
  
 washing it
all away
  
 now...just in self
to give
 forgive
without them ever knowing
 –her never willing
in showing
 her forever hiding
her deepness
 in always loving
 as they live
in the continue of dying
  
 as she moves
forward in free
  
 even if she meets
the Lord first
  
 in her bowed stance
knowing truth
 they'll still be in fool
 drooling in thirst
seeking free
 without ever
having the joy of it
in see
  
Continue reading “‘Traces in Forgive’”

‘Knowing is Living’

Don’t be afraid to follow your heart!

A sample from Book 7

 Knowing is Living
  
 if you're stuck
at a place
 know
there's reason
for your stay
  
 the longer you wait
 ‒longer you'll suffocate
 look deep in your face
beyond flesh and bone‒
 beyond memories you chase
 beyond hurt
you want to erase
 beyond a past
that did not last
  
 deeper you must go
 for life
again
to flow
  
 it's no one's race
but your own
  
 when you're at
a constant steadfast
 there's something
way down deep
 you must surpass
something to grasp
 ‒learn
so a future
you can earn
  
 stop complaining
living in emptiness
 look at self
get off the damn shelf
 you again
build
all else
seal
  
 beyond face
look deeper
 reveal your hidden secret
bloom
 open your eyes
see
 your new life is ready
waiting‒
 ‒a steady, slow pace
for you to take
 nothing's at stake
 but self
your inside wealth
 listen...hear
for you've already earned
 what in your heart
burns
 your fruits‒ 
it's all up to you
Continue reading “‘Knowing is Living’”

‘Spaces of Real’

That place where you are no longer hurting!

A sample from Book 7

 Spaces of Real
  
 where do you fit in
 when you're searching
for truth
 –all seems a flute
  
 when you're pushing– 
revealing all you do
 just to get through
  
 when you talk to God†
 –each day
 just getting by
 wondering
how
this day
you survived
  
 knowing
because of someone else
 tears you try
not to cry
  
 over anger
you become
a hardened manager
 wondering
what it is
 that's
lost inside of you
  
 yes, where do you fit in
 –this society of fake
 lost in its self-absorbed wake
  
 when men are weak
 constantly
searching
 something always better
they seek
  
 hanging you out to dry
 without reasons of why
  
 leaving you
constantly
searching
 for spaces of real
 where there's no reason
to conceal
 what's truly hiding
deep inside
Continue reading “‘Spaces of Real’”

‘Pillars of Death’

Depression: The Feeling of Your Own Death!

A sample from Book 7

 Pillars of Death
  
 I'm an apparent suicide
 who took
everything buried inside
 ‒sprayed it out
like pesticide
  
 they call it a homicide
 raging words
was all it took
 for love to dry
 ‒leaving only tears
to cry
  
 slowly I died
 asking every kind of why
  
 why only anger's words
was enough
to cast me aside
  
 why my truth
was reason
 my life
 ‒its very existence
to hide
  
 my being
no longer resides
 in hearts
I believed
could override
 evil's prancing stride
  
 they all cast me aside
 for thoughts...words
 I could no longer
hold inside
  
 instead of holding me
 as these eyes cried
they buried me
 ‒an unmarked grave
 deep outside
   with bugs and flies
Continue reading “‘Pillars of Death’”

‘Veiling of Truth’

Speak Your Truth or Live in Captivity!

A sample from Book 7

 Veiling of Truth
  
 we start off life
 slow–
like a snail
  
 taking each moment
as it comes
 giving ourselves
time to breathe
  
 inhale
exhale
  
 we're young...vibrant
 over anything
we're champions
 we have mentors
 –someone always there
  
 pushing us
tormenting us
 encouraging us
criticizing us
  
 it doesn't matter– 
we feel invincible
 –strength
in our youthful hearts
 gives us one desire
 over anything
we can prevail
  
 so we take chances
 we jump fences
crawl through tunnels
 see life
as a simple funnel
  
 when we're derailed
 we take a moment– 
wail
 giving ourselves
time to breathe
  
 inhale
 exhale
  
 we get back on the rail
sail
  
 then life tips the scale
 –half-way point
where all just stops
 we're pushed over the top
  
 we try to sail
to no avail
 we start to see
 –the slow coveting veil
 the part of us
for others we curtailed
  
 bit by bit– 
small pieces of our being
 we willingly retailed
 leaving us
feeling alone and stale
  
 it's at that moment
 no longer wanting
to feel frail
 wanting instead
again to breathe
  
 inhale
exhale
  
 taking from our legs
our tucked-in tail
 revealing...opening
this perfectly placed veil
  
 it's at that moment
 we explode
our outpouring gale
 see me, hear me
I'm not for sale
  
 opening our truth
 putting ourselves
in plain view
 screaming out loud
this is what I'm about
  
 it's at that moment
 when life tips its scale
 all is unveiled
we see every detail
  
 who impaled
who drove the nail
  
 ourselves
  
 we chose to lower the veil
 we signed our own
bill of sale
  
 it's at that moment
 –tipping the scale
 our truth
to unveil
get back on the rail
 over our own injustice
prevail
Continue reading “‘Veiling of Truth’”