Tag: codependent

‘Veiling of Truth’

Speak Your Truth or Live in Captivity!

A sample from Book 7

 Veiling of Truth
  
 we start off life
 slow–
like a snail
  
 taking each moment
as it comes
 giving ourselves
time to breathe
  
 inhale
exhale
  
 we're young...vibrant
 over anything
we're champions
 we have mentors
 –someone always there
  
 pushing us
tormenting us
 encouraging us
criticizing us
  
 it doesn't matter– 
we feel invincible
 –strength
in our youthful hearts
 gives us one desire
 over anything
we can prevail
  
 so we take chances
 we jump fences
crawl through tunnels
 see life
as a simple funnel
  
 when we're derailed
 we take a moment– 
wail
 giving ourselves
time to breathe
  
 inhale
 exhale
  
 we get back on the rail
sail
  
 then life tips the scale
 –half-way point
where all just stops
 we're pushed over the top
  
 we try to sail
to no avail
 we start to see
 –the slow coveting veil
 the part of us
for others we curtailed
  
 bit by bit– 
small pieces of our being
 we willingly retailed
 leaving us
feeling alone and stale
  
 it's at that moment
 no longer wanting
to feel frail
 wanting instead
again to breathe
  
 inhale
exhale
  
 taking from our legs
our tucked-in tail
 revealing...opening
this perfectly placed veil
  
 it's at that moment
 we explode
our outpouring gale
 see me, hear me
I'm not for sale
  
 opening our truth
 putting ourselves
in plain view
 screaming out loud
this is what I'm about
  
 it's at that moment
 when life tips its scale
 all is unveiled
we see every detail
  
 who impaled
who drove the nail
  
 ourselves
  
 we chose to lower the veil
 we signed our own
bill of sale
  
 it's at that moment
 –tipping the scale
 our truth
to unveil
get back on the rail
 over our own injustice
prevail
Continue reading “‘Veiling of Truth’”

‘Dwelling’s ‘Back Then”

Move Forward: Body, Mind and Spirit, and Leave the Past In the Past

A sample from Book 8

 Dwelling’s 'Back Then'
  
 we lived back then
 ‒our biggest season
 living in young
everything’s begun
 never still...sitting
 ‒moving in the constant
of run
 having class
having fun
 our communion
 ‒our glittering sun
  
 reminiscing
reliving‒
 our mind’s on-going reunion
 ‒a slight prison
caught-up spectrum
 indulging...believing
 our past
our best, truest companion
  
 turning needles to diamonds
 quarts to gallons
 each new past
remembering sermon
 grows
consumes‒ 
our present moment’s devotion
  
 staying stuck
good...bad
 all problems, experiences‒
 abstractions
 ‒digging deep
 our use-to-be fund
 concealing
present’s affirmations
  
 it’s done‒ 
time for a ascension
 new’s dimension
  
 the past‒ 
our firm confirmation
 holding on‒ 
constantly living
in its circulation
 ‒caught in its dreamy emotion
 keeping us in equivocation
 bypassing present’s creation
  
 it’s done‒ 
our back then
  
 it’s time
make the incision
 no longer in young
 but still living
in fun
willingness to run
  
 keeping our retrospections
 but allow in
new manifestations
 all else‒ 
move to preservation
  
 it’s built us
gave us qualifications
 for now’s implementation
  
 stop dwelling on
back then
 start living
in now’s skin
  
 new moment’s begin
heightens
ascends
 new memories
creating a foreign spin
 awakening
now’s life
we’re in
  
 allow the transcend
build new mountains
 ‒from young
to older...wiser
within
  
 then‒ 
sets a new trend
 that day coming
age sets in
 on porches
breathing in fresh winds
 under summer suns
in chairs
rocking
 memories
unpacking
easily spoken
 story-telling
of live in living‒
 not broken
not stuck in young’s brethren
  
 instead‒ 
a put-together rendition
 of a life lived
 in total contribution
  
 let go of back then
 awaken
in now’s innovation
 live‒ 
new moments
in motivation
 new memories
adding to collections
  
 for in aged years
recollections
 the spices‒ 
our truth’s personification‒
 the new young
can’t get enough
 with us
lost in conversation
Continue reading “‘Dwelling’s ‘Back Then””

‘Codependent’

The Codependent: Make Yourself Happy First!

A sample from Book 6

 Codependent
  
 I've tried to help
 in ways
that didn't help
  
 I've said yes
then no
to my self
  
 I've avoided
hurting others
 only to hurt myself
  
 to trust my own feelings
 I've been afraid
  
 I've believed lies
 then betrayed-
I often felt
  
 I wanted to get even
punish others
 for putting me
on a shelf
  
 I often
became smothered
 in anger and hate
 -wanting to kill
not feeling safe
  
 I've fought
for others' rights
 when they didn't know
how the law swayed
 only to be left
alone
 like an abandoned stray
  
 I've often settled
for others' worth
 -left my own
to grow another day
  
 I became
the reaction
 to others' anger and hate
 instead of listening to self
 walking my own way
  
 I became
less of me
 for others
to be set free
  
 I've lost myself
to dependency
 on how others felt
 without seeing
my own need
 to be free
   to be just me
Continue reading “‘Codependent’”

‘Kicking through Doors’

Is Someone’s Crime Taking Away What You Stand For?

A sample from Book 10

 Kicking through Doors
  
 fighting through nights
 hated words
blank looks
 cold tones-
it's a right
 like a sworn-in knight
 say it-
see what's in sight
  
 bleeding words of hosea
 a foreign arena
 -a returned agenda
 replayed cinema
 -one certain agenda:
  
 incorporation of rejection
 ignoring revelations
 already experienced
by nations
  
 historical indications‒
 God's† bold proclamations
 man's once-again revoltation
  
 keeping in the light
 ‒a constant fight
 suffering through blight
 experiencing God's† might
  
 turning it around
 ‒say something sound
 as in past stories found
 leaves truth-
the drowning clown
  
 like centuries before
 keep kicking through doors
 His† powers...the core
 that's what truth's for
 –leaving hatred
that embedded lore
 in the constance
of sore
Continue reading “‘Kicking through Doors’”

‘Attrition’

Ways Codependents React to Narcissists After a Breakup

A sample from Book 9

 Attrition
  
 a stable life in good–
doing what you should
 holding on tight–
what's under the hood
  
 seasons change
all the same
knowing they would–
 gripping firmly to strength
 keeping sight
in positive's look
 assuring self
you've done it right–
 gave the love you could
  
 then all stop–
a tied-up knot
the sudden chop
 from what is
to the cold, calculated not
  
 words thrown
you misunderstood
  
 you...searching
for answers in known
 looking back–
on grounds stood
 phrases said–
bouncing in head
 surely something mistook–
signs overlooked
  
 you know what you felt
 all the right moves dealt
 –the magic read in clouds
stories in books
 readings in prayer books
right there...underfoot
 all the best
in adulthood
 words clearly understood
  
 but there...lacking input
 missed lessons in hymn books
 –deceptions little nook
misguided direction
 landing
in betrayal's neighborhood
  
 all the pieces
so well together...put
 a bit in the odd–
the back-there look
  
 a moved life
in sudden maidenhood
 no written guidebook
teachings a foot–
 these misguided ways
in falsehood
  
 stripping moments of good–
 losing self
in fancy-driven gook
 scenes of hollywood
 masterminds mastering weakness–
 perils of womanhood–
 –sly little crooks
 robbing more livelihood–
 what was already shook
  
 tighter goes the knots
yet another sudden stop–
 that letting-down drop
 forcing
the non-welcomed re-surfacing
 of anger's top
that place–
you thought chopped
  
 lessons learned in crop–
 that sudden stop
strengthens the lot
 of hurt's already
worn-out blot
  
 out goes buddhahood–
peaceful mind
turns to soot
 promises of a finally found–
 true
honesty in real's manhood
 lost once again
in a dreamer
stuck in boyhood
  
 all this defend
breaks self down–
 losing the will it took
 to again's stuck in pussyfoot
 –for nothing more
 than mere, stagnated driftwood–
 too hard for firewood
too nimble-footed
 too backwoods
to be anyone's
true knighthood
  
 so you just dawn an old frock
 cover all the clocks
mourn what's not
 –lessons thrown to floors
then mopped
 live a bit in shell-shock
  
 then, again fight
return good
 to its original spot
 –add the lost
 to false-love's overflowing
melting pot
 –take a minute...sob
tie tighter the knot
 listen to some hip-hop
suck on some lollipops
 –try to forget
once more...robbed
 trying to convince self–
 heartbreak
not your mascot
  
 but hope steps on in
 forcing self
back into believe–
somewhere, out there
 a heart's coming
your world to rock
 without ever again
the sudden stop
 from what is
to what's not–
love in flop
Continue reading “‘Attrition’”

Where Narcissists Get Their ‘Feel-Good’ Empowerment From?

(March 17, 2019)―Reading. That’s what I’ve been doing. One author who caught my attention over a year ago through her videos and website is Shahida Arabi who has become an expert on the subject of narcissists and their many manipulative, abusive ways. I will write a lot more about her findings, including my personal experiences, when my website is up and running. For now, there are two important points that Arabi makes in her article titled ‘5 Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Manipulate You’ from her book titled Power.

The 5 powerful ways are of course:

Continue reading “Where Narcissists Get Their ‘Feel-Good’ Empowerment From?”

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”

Don’t Be Baffled By Today’s Politics!

A sample from Book 10

I don’t see why because they have been telling you how they are for years. I’m not as into the politics today as I was years ago. Things just seem to keep going in the down direction, and there’s way too many people arguing instead of doing.

I know in my own home the argument over politics was huge. Being in a mixed relationship didn’t help matters as all this black/white issues took center stage. I have never been a racist. I’m not privileged. This seemed not to register with my ex-boyfriend. It saddens me on how many people believe this B.S. There are many people who believe they are privileged. I’ve seen them. I’m glad I’m not one of them. What follows is part of the Introduction to my last book on politics, Book 10, in My 12-Book Series.

Continue reading “Don’t Be Baffled By Today’s Politics!”

Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!

A sample from Book 9

Oh! Are you in for a treat! I began talking about codependency in Book 6. I didn’t see the horror in it until 2015…that need to make others happy began to affect me in the worse way. The following is part of the Introduction to Book 9 in My 12-Book series.

To heal…to completely heal from abuse, you have to deal with the codependent in you. It won’t be easy. From this book all the way to Book 12, I fought it. You can do it, too. Trust in the journey and get my books…I do have a different answer than most do.

Continue reading “Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!”

Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!

A sample from Book 8

It’s a process. Sometimes a long one depending if abuse was in the mix. The follow is part of the Introduction to my 8th book in My 12-Book Series. It’s just the beginning of the acceptance stage. Depression still follows. Anger still follows you. You have a journey, but you can do it.

My journey took a twist by adding another relationship to the mix. This book is only the beginning to that. Oh! You just gotta love those who just think they don’t do any wrong. Life’s quite a ride!

“…This book is an exploration of self: Overcoming the anger, the hurt, seeing the damage and healing, understanding how God brings us to something in order to help us and not hinder us, to understand that God’s timing is not our own…and it doesn’t matter how we want to rush it, He’ll stop us in our tracks, slow us down in order for time to heal…[time to] work its magic.

Continue reading “Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!”