Crimes against you…it’s nothing to do with you. It’s a test of will…those God holds dearest are tested the hardest. Don’t give up! Don’t lose faith.
Fight!
put your heart
into it
fight the beast
of it
cry, yell, scream‒
beat the walls
of it
‒tear it down
to bits
you got this
all the evil‒
resist
fight, fight, fight it
you can get
the best of it
strip it, yank it
‒it wasn't your bit
it wasn't your fault‒
in any of it
destroy that bitch
fight, fight, fight
punch the shit
out of it
be bigger than it
you've got this
scream...hiss!
tear it
to fucking bits
fight! fight!
fight it!
(Written October 4, 2019)
Surviving the Knife of Those Who Betray You!
A sample from Book 12
(April 21, 2018)—That knife becomes weaker when we gain the support of others, when we start to see the true meaning behind our life. That knife doesn’t come out that easy especially when you see everyone’s true disclosure.
There’s so much to say, then there’s nothing to say. I have this much on my mind: If they don’t want to see you, it doesn’t matter what you say or do, they won’t see you.
I’ve said a lot here on Facebook. I revealed a lot…but there’s a lot I haven’t revealed. So you only get a piece of the puzzle…never the whole picture. Why? Because I do have a life and part of that life is private as for everyone else. There’s a lot of pain I cover up…and, yes, there is still pain. There will always be pain because an entire portion of my life has been wiped out…and not by choice.
I tried calling my daughter. It appears that she’s changed her number. I think that odd because the words I last typed her in text were answers to words she said to me, but I’m held totally accountable. Why? Oh, because I’m 49 years old and should know better. I’m the mom…but that doesn’t come into affect when I’m called by my name instead of Mom. Just saying….
KnifeContinue reading “‘Knife’”
it was put in there‒
nice and tight
when I move around
to the left, to the right
it reveals its price
‒how it changed my life
the strength it took‒
robbing my mind
the way it makes me wanna fight
even if it isn't right
even if I said...say...things impolite
I was...am...gonna fight
‒even while speaking of the light
at times, I feel like a poltergeist
a faded memory...sliced and diced
forgotten the way I was
forever entombed in what I've become
not a homicide
‒a genocide of all that was nice
womanly, motherly...dignified
downgraded to a parasite
‒not fit for normal's life
should I be lost in contrite
bowed down in pity...outright
or was I absolutely right
turning childlike
begging for help‒
from Jesus Christ†
who has the right to decide‒
I'm the sacrifice
in order for them‒
to have their paradise
who had the right‒
shift truth to lies
bury this knife
in what used to be‒
a mother, sister, daughter, wife
in me...it so mystifies
how everyone becomes tongue-tied
when abuse is in transcribe
‒the victim screams in alive
how extreme...me...it mortifies
that, no matter which way‒
death...comes in die
twist, twist, twist the knife
gone daughter, sister, mother, wife
rebuilding exemplified
the alibis become jives
words in wisdom...just implied
while words...wombs...rob the mind
memories of building the first life‒
took one times forty-five
pull, pull, pull out the knife
time in modify
is there another forty-five
my, my, my how it mystifies
what comes of‒
pulling out the knife
Forgive Yourself for God Has Already Done That!
(April 8, 2019)—The commentary for my piece titled ‘Salvation’s Need’ I speak about salvation and God taking grace away if we go against Him. A friend called and told me that God does not take away grace. I beg you differ.
Ever since the incident with the Jeep, I have been reverted back to feeling like crap. I can’t seem to return to the good diet that was making me feel great, nor the tanning, nor the exercising. I’m told to get an attorney and sue these people, but, at the same time, that’s not what I’m supposed to do. Faith. I’m supposed to rely on faith. I’ve been battling with all of this lately.
I finished my vow. I’m supposed to wait now. And my relationship with the sweet man…what relationship? All my values, morals, principles are in question right now…every single thing I stand for! The voice of death has crossed my threshold several times in these last couple of months because I’m so tired of fighting, so tired of people lying to me. I’ve been in a battle per say.
I have been working late on my website and getting up late each day. I had gotten myself on a schedule, but that has been thrown out the window. I suddenly have that rush again…like I’m up against a clock. So, this morning after reading a few things on Facebook, I got my coffee and sat down. My Bible and writing tablet staring at me. The pull to cry came from way deep inside. And the tears started to fall. I started to feel sorry for myself. I see my sisters posting about their lives. My little sister and her family. I asked myself, ‘Where’s my joy? Where’s my family?’
AversionContinue reading “‘Aversion’”
You† stripped me of life
sent me into strife
in order for me
to truly see the light
I knelt...prayed for truth
stripped of wisdom‒
made into a fool
only to rise then fall in glue
stuck in deceived...malice
drowning in the body's surface
lust took hold...every crevice
my mind stuck in evil's drool
lying, stealing...seeking revenge‒
all evil's time in consume
I surrounded myself‒
in the duel
bathing in its fumes
yelling, pulling, yanking
trying to see truth
‒in all I assumed
all its evilness‒
pulling me from the light
pushing me‒
to take my very life
over and over‒
keeping me in strife
leaving...I think not!
laughing at my struggle‒
in fight
holding me down from flight
suffocating‒
blinding my sight
I prayed to see truth
now I see evil's embedded rules
the play‒
leaving countless clues
lust being its endless tool
using love‒
in its game of fools
Lord†, I see the aversion‒
I see the message in truth
in my mind‒
the careless insertion
‒troubled heart
sunk in its inclusion
I know why they sink‒
into drugs...sexual immorality
they were too young
when it all begun
to fight evil's manipulating reality
get to the children first
‒You† showed me this
before any verse
revealing truth‒
way before my coming doom
then my 360...then the loop
three adults in evil's coop
the wreckage‒
I didn't know what to do
for I was encaged, too
get to the children first
innocence‒
pulled from the light
no strength
to put up a fight
‒growing up
with an inside strife
splitting the mind
evil...preventing
the thinking of twice
Lord†, thank you
for the truth
please clear my mind‒
fill me with You†
evil strangles
all that's true
I'd rather be filled with You†
than lust's
careless drool
You have to leave others out of ‘self’!
A sample from Book 12
Ex‒foliate My SoulContinue reading “‘Ex-foliate My Soul’”
I still hear the winds blow
I know, still, from and to
the direction it goes
I depend, too much
on human souls
‒directing my emotional role
these feet‒
so stuck in muddy ground
I've lost the feelings
of being found
trying to understand
hear...every sound
I've stumbled away
from which I'm bound
raise me up, oh Lord†
unclog‒
these maggot-filled holes
rub your sands deeply in‒
pull me out
as you wash away clean
the filth
of this infested bowl
help me again‒
feel fit and lean
where I once had strength
of a lion
‒the sanctuary
of a crystal clear stream
enlighten my heart, sweet Jesus†
relight this drive
I so carelessly left behind
enrich my soul
wash away the corrode
so me, in ease, I can stand
on my own two feet
understand words in my heart
having strength to sort
‒without falling apart
yes, Lord†, raise my tempo back up
so I can feel, once more
the unstoppable me
‒that pure individual feeling
of being free
without the need
of another's glee
I open me up‒
mind, body, soul
I'm, again, letting go
so...whichever the winds blow
matter is not needed
for I'll be free again‒
in the total of
letting go
Let yourself learn from the lessons given!
A sample from Book 12
Thank You for the TimeContinue reading “‘Thank You for the Time’”
I often mix up the rhyme
wanting the rhythm
in times
then I think
this life of mine
has to end some time
thank you, Lord†, for the time
the silence
the frozen bones
thinking deep...on my own
without stories to tell
‒just a visit home
thank you, Lord†, for this time
everyone has seeds sewn
everyone to everyone...cloned
beeps from a wireless phone
passing on‒
without really being known
I thank you anyway, Lord†
for this time
for bleak bitterness
in my mind
for the tearing love
in my heart
‒I once fought so hard
feeling so torn apart
in this space...I am caught
reading words‒
to me...once taught
thank you, Lord†
my lessons are mine
listening deep‒
watching go by...the time
wondering if enough‒
I've been kind
no backwards
only forwards
can I move the line
taking the lessons‒
building new rhyme
understanding the journey
through time
is not just mine
thank you, Lord Jesus†
for all those moments
in time
I'll bring them all in
play with them
in my mind
then cherish the rhyme
after all, You've† given me
the time
What it takes to keep love!
A sample from Book 11
Allegorium (what is it in life if you can't tell wrong from right to see in sight what is of great heights to know from a wrong fight and a right fight ‒one worth the cry one not worth the try) there was a yell, a scream an act of rage mixed in scents of sage she would leave she would leave today her bags...she began to pack ‒the stress off her back she voiced everything she wanted to sack her mind lost in a haze remembering all those great days ‒reasons why she stayed anger filled in a maze this way, that way ‒which path to take wanting to run in spite of the fun then in comes the pun‒ standing eye to eye tears suddenly fill in cry we just can't be together shaking coming from deep inside I know each not willing to move‒ standing their ground knowing without making a sound it all comes down to mixes in race different traditions different tastes but that's just the base to what lies beneath‒ experiences in the lace wanting her to stay knowing his moments in rage ‒can't keep her in a cage from her mind it won't fade searching for words to say wanting nothing in fright in his dark eyes‒ seeing the willing light wanting her to seek it please make it bright understand the hard in my life for it, I had to fight sealing up everything inside confusion succumbed‒ the sudden in rays from his silent, pleading glaze it's not just his aces and eights that's on the take she adds up the sum to it, he wasn't dumb every piece, every crumb has to be sorted‒ to smooth out the constant lump another chance another steady ride taking each side ‒what's buried in hide no matter how many lows and highs wobbling through pass homicides all those moments‒ others confused their minds making them want to pounce‒ in anger...quickly dive thinking through it‒ hearing every sound warnings, confusion, heart‒ feeling the surface of found wondering where its bound this constant round has to sooner or later release its hound when wanting to stay is all around softly relaxing the lines on her face that unconditional is not in a trace ‒it's in the base of foundation's lace without living in a race what others see as a toxic tray may just be the difference in race in raised traditional's case ‒angers set in wanting to be erased each learning to let go‒ what once slapped them in the face releasing anger's ways that keeps trapping them in a haze ‒exploding in a blaze what is it in life if you can't tell wrong from right to see in sight what is of great heights ‒to know Jesus'† life why for us, He† died love is worth the ride for it, pay the price for the reward everlasting lifeContinue reading “‘Allegorium’”
Don’t put it off until tomorrow!
A sample from Book 11
LiveContinue reading “‘Live’”
today means nothing in tomorrow
today means nothing in yesterday
today is today
yesterday was once today
tomorrow will be today
one known, one unknown
yet, today is
what happened yesterday
won't happen again
what will happen tomorrow
just a guess, my friend
today, oh! today
each second, each minute
each hour...is ours to devour
don't think of what was
nor what will follow
today...over...tower
be its blooming flower
without counting
seconds, minutes, hours
for death still comes
for all...not some
never knowing the exact hour
no more, blooms the flower
today, shines the light
no need to fight
it's up...so bright
use it in delight
without thinking twice
for yesterday is gone
tomorrow...an unsung song
today, oh! today‒
today is
so...go on...live
Mind your heart or others will not!
A sample from Book 11
Depths of HeartContinue reading “‘Depths of Heart’”
protecting self‒
not letting any other
put it on a shelf
seems to be utmost important
‒above anything else
for in self
happiness lies
rises high
above health
any amount of wealth
‒pulling the heart
out of hell
out of the darkest well
for in truth heart dwells
untied from man's inhuman belt
released from whatever shelf
man tries to impel
keeping the heart from melt
‒happiness locked in a cell
get out, get out
see yourself‒
way deep inside
where happiness compels
in heart
where it truly swells
Ladies: ‘Lean In’ and take the lead!
A sample from Book 10
Internal ExposureContinue reading “‘Internal Exposure’”
get it out–
that ingrained lesson
in your head
stop! suppressing it–
instead...shout
you are not dead
don't worry about
green or red–
stand out
too many...already bled
for you to shrivel in dread
don't quiver...beg
you do have a choice–
redefine what's been fed
rewire that inside voice
female verses male–
look who's already led
down, down, down–
the bottom of a cell
–on the surface
why do we still tread
slogans they spread
find a good man
–what happens
after I thee wed–
dreams...cave-on in
while man elevates in win
pretty little mommy
on lists of craig–
might as well list
held back little mommy
–tuck her...nice and sweet
in her bed
advancement's common thread–
smart like daddy
t-shirts read
propaganda of j.c. penny
–analogies deeply bred
she's just a girly
words...over and over
said
follow the creed
every line...in the 'reg'
–you're a 'she'
be a teacher in ed
or a nurse for ned
forget going into med
forget running for the leg
or even a pres
–don't you see
for this–
you need a third leg
words...buried in the head
advancing...common avoidance
leaving girls...in dread
hanging their intelligence
on a peg
I'll say it...what other's said
get out of your head
go out...lead
forget the man-ego clout
don't be misled
don't listen to internal's doubt
bypass labels...bitch, bossy
–ambition is not damnation!
but a reclassification...recondition
of old worn, torn traditions
here's some jubilation:
it's okay...go red
save green
for those babies
you wean
you can do both
let that...in...soak!
it's okay to be a queen!
expose that internal dread
in front of the crowd–
be in the lead
–hire someone to clean
forget all those slogans said–
you're a woman–
removed from bygone's dead
be heard...seen
never again
hiding behind
tradition's thread
let another make that bed–
dawn those heels
paint those lips red
rewrite those unwritten regs
that wrongly imposed
man-ego driven creed
Don’t be afraid to follow your heart!
A sample from Book 7
Knowing is LivingContinue reading “‘Knowing is Living’”
if you're stuck
at a place
know
there's reason
for your stay
the longer you wait
‒longer you'll suffocate
look deep in your face
beyond flesh and bone‒
beyond memories you chase
beyond hurt
you want to erase
beyond a past
that did not last
deeper you must go
for life
again
to flow
it's no one's race
but your own
when you're at
a constant steadfast
there's something
way down deep
you must surpass
something to grasp
‒learn
so a future
you can earn
stop complaining
living in emptiness
look at self
get off the damn shelf
you again
build
all else
seal
beyond face
look deeper
reveal your hidden secret
bloom
open your eyes
see
your new life is ready
waiting‒
‒a steady, slow pace
for you to take
nothing's at stake
but self
your inside wealth
listen...hear
for you've already earned
what in your heart
burns
your fruits‒
it's all up to you
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