Tag: happiness

‘Aversion’

Forgive Yourself for God Has Already Done That!

(April 8, 2019)—The commentary for my piece titled ‘Salvation’s Need’ I speak about salvation and God taking grace away if we go against Him. A friend called and told me that God does not take away grace. I beg you differ.

Ever since the incident with the Jeep, I have been reverted back to feeling like crap. I can’t seem to return to the good diet that was making me feel great, nor the tanning, nor the exercising. I’m told to get an attorney and sue these people, but, at the same time, that’s not what I’m supposed to do. Faith. I’m supposed to rely on faith. I’ve been battling with all of this lately.

I finished my vow. I’m supposed to wait now. And my relationship with the sweet man…what relationship? All my values, morals, principles are in question right now…every single thing I stand for! The voice of death has crossed my threshold several times in these last couple of months because I’m so tired of fighting, so tired of people lying to me. I’ve been in a battle per say.

I have been working late on my website and getting up late each day. I had gotten myself on a schedule, but that has been thrown out the window. I suddenly have that rush again…like I’m up against a clock. So, this morning after reading a few things on Facebook, I got my coffee and sat down. My Bible and writing tablet staring at me. The pull to cry came from way deep inside. And the tears started to fall. I started to feel sorry for myself. I see my sisters posting about their lives. My little sister and her family. I asked myself, ‘Where’s my joy? Where’s my family?’

 Aversion
  
 You† stripped me of life
 sent me into strife
 in order for me
to truly see the light
  
 I knelt...prayed for truth
 stripped of wisdom‒ 
made into a fool
 only to rise then fall in glue
 stuck in deceived...malice
 drowning in the body's surface
 lust took hold...every crevice
  
 my mind stuck in evil's drool
 lying, stealing...seeking revenge‒
 all evil's time in consume
 I surrounded myself‒ 
in the duel
 bathing in its fumes
 yelling, pulling, yanking
 trying to see truth
 ‒in all I assumed
  
 all its evilness‒ 
pulling me from the light
 pushing me‒ 
to take my very life
 over and over‒ 
keeping me in strife
 leaving...I think not!
laughing at my struggle‒ 
in fight
 holding me down from flight
 suffocating‒ 
blinding my sight
  
 I prayed to see truth
 now I see evil's embedded rules
 the play‒ 
leaving countless clues
 lust being its endless tool
 using love‒ 
in its game of fools
  
 Lord†, I see the aversion‒
 I see the message in truth
 in my mind‒ 
the careless insertion
 ‒troubled heart
sunk in its inclusion
  
 I know why they sink‒
 into drugs...sexual immorality
 they were too young
when it all begun
 to fight evil's manipulating reality
 get to the children first
  ‒You† showed me this
before any verse
 revealing truth‒ 
way before my coming doom
  
 then my 360...then the loop
 three adults in evil's coop
 the wreckage‒ 
I didn't know what to do
 for I was encaged, too
  
 get to the children first
  
 innocence‒ 
pulled from the light
 no strength
to put up a fight
 ‒growing up
with an inside strife
 splitting the mind
 evil...preventing
the thinking of twice
  
 Lord†, thank you
for the truth
 please clear my mind‒ 
fill me with You†
 evil strangles
all that's true
 I'd rather be filled with You†
 than lust's
    careless drool
Continue reading “‘Aversion’”

‘Thank You for the Time’

Let yourself learn from the lessons given!

A sample from Book 12

  Thank You for the Time
  
 I often mix up the rhyme
 wanting the rhythm
in times
 then I think
this life of mine
 has to end some time
  
 thank you, Lord†, for the time
 the silence
the frozen bones
 thinking deep...on my own
 without stories to tell
 ‒just a visit home
  
 thank you, Lord†, for this time
 everyone has seeds sewn
 everyone to everyone...cloned
 beeps from a wireless phone
 passing on‒ 
without really being known
  
 I thank you anyway, Lord†
for this time
 for bleak bitterness
in my mind
 for the tearing love
in my heart
 ‒I once fought so hard
feeling so torn apart
 in this space...I am caught
 reading words‒ 
to me...once taught
  
 thank you, Lord†
my lessons are mine
 listening deep‒ 
watching go by...the time
 wondering if enough‒ 
I've been kind
  
 no backwards
only forwards
 can I move the line
 taking the lessons‒ 
building new rhyme
 understanding the journey
 through time
is not just mine
  
 thank you, Lord Jesus†
 for all those moments
in time
 I'll bring them all in
 play with them
in my mind
then cherish the rhyme
 after all, You've† given me
the time
Continue reading “‘Thank You for the Time’”

‘Allegorium’

What it takes to keep love!

A sample from Book 11

 Allegorium
 
  
 (what is it in life
 if you can't tell
wrong from right
 to see in sight
what is of great heights
 to know
from a wrong fight
and a right fight
 ‒one worth the cry
one not worth the try)
  
 there was a yell, a scream
an act of rage
 mixed in scents of sage
  
 she would leave
she would leave today
 her bags...she began to pack
 ‒the stress off her back
  
 she voiced everything
she wanted to sack
 her mind lost in a haze
 remembering
all those great days
 ‒reasons why she stayed
  
 anger filled in a maze
this way, that way
 ‒which path to take
  
 wanting to run
 in spite of the fun
 then in comes the pun‒ 
standing eye to eye
 tears suddenly
fill in cry
  
 we just can't be together  

 shaking
coming from deep inside

 I know 

 each not willing to move‒ 
standing their ground
 knowing
without making a sound
 it all comes down
to mixes in race
 different traditions
different tastes
  
 but that's just the base
 to what lies beneath‒
 experiences
in the lace
  
 wanting her to stay
 knowing
his moments in rage
 ‒can't keep her in a cage
 from her mind
it won't fade
 searching
for words to say
  
 wanting nothing in fright
 in his dark eyes‒ 
seeing the willing light
 wanting her to seek it
 please make it bright
 understand the hard in my life
 for it, I had to fight
 sealing up everything inside
  
 confusion succumbed‒ 
the sudden in rays
 from his silent, pleading glaze
 it's not just his aces and eights
 that's on the take
  
 she adds up the sum
to it, he wasn't dumb
 every piece, every crumb
has to be sorted‒
 to smooth out
the constant lump
  
 another chance
another steady ride
 taking each side
 ‒what's buried in hide
 no matter how many lows and highs
 wobbling
through pass homicides
 all those moments‒ 
others confused their minds
 making them want to pounce‒
 in anger...quickly dive
  
 thinking through it‒ 
hearing every sound
 warnings, confusion, heart‒
 feeling the surface of found
 wondering where its bound
this constant round
 has to sooner or later
release its hound
 when wanting to stay
is all around
  
 softly relaxing
the lines on her face
 that unconditional
is not in a trace
 ‒it's in the base
of foundation's lace
 without living in a race
  
 what others see as a toxic tray
 may just be
the difference in race
 in raised traditional's case
 ‒angers set in
wanting to be erased
  
 each learning to let go‒
 what once slapped them
in the face
 releasing anger's ways
 that keeps trapping them
in a haze
 ‒exploding in a blaze
  
 what is it in life
 if you can't tell
wrong from right
 to see in sight
what is of great heights
 ‒to know Jesus'† life
why for us, He† died
  
 love is worth the ride
for it, pay the price
 for the reward
   everlasting life
Continue reading “‘Allegorium’”

‘Live’

Don’t put it off until tomorrow!

A sample from Book 11

 Live
  
 today means nothing in tomorrow
 today means nothing in yesterday
 today is today
  
 yesterday was once today
 tomorrow will be today
 one known, one unknown
yet, today is
  
 what happened yesterday
won't happen again
 what will happen tomorrow
 just a guess, my friend
  
 today, oh! today
 each second, each minute
 each hour...is ours to devour
  
 don't think of what was
 nor what will follow
  
 today...over...tower
 be its blooming flower
 without counting
seconds, minutes, hours
  
 for death still comes
for all...not some
 never knowing the exact hour
 no more, blooms the flower
  
 today, shines the light
no need to fight
 it's up...so bright
use it in delight
 without thinking twice
  
 for yesterday is gone
 tomorrow...an unsung song
 today, oh! today‒
 today is
so...go on...live
  
Continue reading “‘Live’”

‘Alone’s Passion’

Being Single Is Better Than Being Abused!

A sample from Book 8

 Alone's Passion 
  
 I can do this, do that
 without time
to count
  
 no voices to hear
 I want this, want that
 missing it
no doubt
  
 I can say this, say that
 without being condemned
 for going too north
or too south
  
 I can talk to myself
out loud
 as loud as I want
 not worrying
to shut my mouth
  
 I can wear
what I want
 cover it or flaunt
  
 I can sleep all day
play all night
 jack up my music
 keep on
all the lights
 without anyone saying
hush...don't
  
 I can sit around
day-dream
 not do a damn thing
  
 is there another out there
doing the same
  
 still– 
another's hand to hold
in want
 –deal with the game
so in old
 life doesn't die in cold
 without ever
having another
know
 how I roll
Continue reading “‘Alone’s Passion’”

‘Dwelling’s ‘Back Then”

Move Forward: Body, Mind and Spirit, and Leave the Past In the Past

A sample from Book 8

 Dwelling’s 'Back Then'
  
 we lived back then
 ‒our biggest season
 living in young
everything’s begun
 never still...sitting
 ‒moving in the constant
of run
 having class
having fun
 our communion
 ‒our glittering sun
  
 reminiscing
reliving‒
 our mind’s on-going reunion
 ‒a slight prison
caught-up spectrum
 indulging...believing
 our past
our best, truest companion
  
 turning needles to diamonds
 quarts to gallons
 each new past
remembering sermon
 grows
consumes‒ 
our present moment’s devotion
  
 staying stuck
good...bad
 all problems, experiences‒
 abstractions
 ‒digging deep
 our use-to-be fund
 concealing
present’s affirmations
  
 it’s done‒ 
time for a ascension
 new’s dimension
  
 the past‒ 
our firm confirmation
 holding on‒ 
constantly living
in its circulation
 ‒caught in its dreamy emotion
 keeping us in equivocation
 bypassing present’s creation
  
 it’s done‒ 
our back then
  
 it’s time
make the incision
 no longer in young
 but still living
in fun
willingness to run
  
 keeping our retrospections
 but allow in
new manifestations
 all else‒ 
move to preservation
  
 it’s built us
gave us qualifications
 for now’s implementation
  
 stop dwelling on
back then
 start living
in now’s skin
  
 new moment’s begin
heightens
ascends
 new memories
creating a foreign spin
 awakening
now’s life
we’re in
  
 allow the transcend
build new mountains
 ‒from young
to older...wiser
within
  
 then‒ 
sets a new trend
 that day coming
age sets in
 on porches
breathing in fresh winds
 under summer suns
in chairs
rocking
 memories
unpacking
easily spoken
 story-telling
of live in living‒
 not broken
not stuck in young’s brethren
  
 instead‒ 
a put-together rendition
 of a life lived
 in total contribution
  
 let go of back then
 awaken
in now’s innovation
 live‒ 
new moments
in motivation
 new memories
adding to collections
  
 for in aged years
recollections
 the spices‒ 
our truth’s personification‒
 the new young
can’t get enough
 with us
lost in conversation
Continue reading “‘Dwelling’s ‘Back Then””

Breaking Your Codependency….

…and Moving On To ‘Normal’

A sample from Book 12

That is the question that I had to end this book with. Going through the trials in life are hard. This year I had to face my mother’s death and the destruction of my three-year relationship, as well fight more health issues while being 1600 miles from all my family.

Codependency had still a hard grip on me, but the anxiety that I had fought through was just about gone. I would have to go through a forced intervention to figure out what the true medicine for codependency and all those negative thoughts were.

Continue reading “Breaking Your Codependency….”

Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!

A sample from Book 9

Oh! Are you in for a treat! I began talking about codependency in Book 6. I didn’t see the horror in it until 2015…that need to make others happy began to affect me in the worse way. The following is part of the Introduction to Book 9 in My 12-Book series.

To heal…to completely heal from abuse, you have to deal with the codependent in you. It won’t be easy. From this book all the way to Book 12, I fought it. You can do it, too. Trust in the journey and get my books…I do have a different answer than most do.

Continue reading “Recognizing Codependency in Yourself!”

Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!

A sample from Book 8

It’s a process. Sometimes a long one depending if abuse was in the mix. The follow is part of the Introduction to my 8th book in My 12-Book Series. It’s just the beginning of the acceptance stage. Depression still follows. Anger still follows you. You have a journey, but you can do it.

My journey took a twist by adding another relationship to the mix. This book is only the beginning to that. Oh! You just gotta love those who just think they don’t do any wrong. Life’s quite a ride!

“…This book is an exploration of self: Overcoming the anger, the hurt, seeing the damage and healing, understanding how God brings us to something in order to help us and not hinder us, to understand that God’s timing is not our own…and it doesn’t matter how we want to rush it, He’ll stop us in our tracks, slow us down in order for time to heal…[time to] work its magic.

Continue reading “Bringing Yourself from Hurt to Healing!”