Tag: life

‘Men of Songs’

Understanding depression and the veils by-way of Job!

 Men of Songs
  
 I thrash out my complaints
 I take the hurt, the blame
 put it all on my shoulders‒
 knowing
through all this rough terrain
 not one showed sincerity
not one came
  
 so I let tears fall
like rain
 open my mouth
my worded train
 feeling alone, empty
worthless...plain
 wondering if I'm really insane
  
 I cast out my stones to You†
 ‒Your† broken little dame
 all these tasks
my life...so drained
 not knowing the final aim
 just take it all in‒
 the arrows of false names
 on invisible ropes...I hang
  
 told...life is but a game
 learn to play it...you win fame
  
 You† and I know‒
 that's not how it's framed
 life isn't at all a game
 You†...no one can tame
 someone so righteous‒
 You† easily cast in flames
 and that person
will never be the same
  
 when this heart
feels weak in faint
 I look at all my I can'ts
 I re-hear all those filthy names
 know...none of them...I ain't
 but I know‒
 I'm such a tiny piece of grain
 and the only fame
to be claimed
 is that of Your† sweet, sweet name
  
 I'm so, so tired
of being maimed
 so tired of lonely's strain
 what have I gained
 on this hateful, lonely lane
  
 I know it's part of Yeshuah'†
 each and every vein
 I'm so weary...feelings‒
 my work done in vane
 so, I call on you...Yeshuah†
 please take all my complaints
 straight to our Father†
 ‒pull me out
this agonizing drain
 forgive all my trespasses
 turn me over‒
 to at least one heart
who feels the same
 ‒a bit of hunger
a bit of tame
 to do works of good‒
 in Your† sweet, sweet name

(July 24, 2019)—Our mothers. Veils. Mercy. I’ve been having a hard time putting my thoughts on paper lately. It may not seem like it but it’s still true. I end up writing it in my head then when I sit down, the same thoughts that I had don’t come out. I didn’t want to write anymore. For the past week or so, I’ve been in a battle with my self I guess you could say. I’m tired. I’ve been doing this work for seven years now. I’ve been writing and teaching and learning for over 10. I’m tired. But I’m to keep going.

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‘Shelters From Storms’

Using our gifts the right way byway of Matthew! How do we discover our gifts? How to use them? How to multiple our inside wealth? Easy. Listen.

 Shelters From Storms
  
 take these gifts...give them more
 open, open...will be doors
 no more seeking to find
 say this is mine
 it shall be yours
  
 place bets on things
 instead of doors
 what's yours will be no more
  
 treasures are found
 in gifts stored
 open, open the doors
 heal from your sores
 be fierce...the power is yours
  
 take these gifts...do more
 help the needy, help the poor
 put life in their décor
 never asking what for
  
 open, open the door
 don't be the evil's whore
 take what you know‒
 take it and soar
 high, high...my little commodore
 what you wish...will be yours
 for without fear‒
 the Lord†, you adored!

(July 24, 2019)―There’s reasons for everything! Twice during meditation this past week I was presented with doors. The first time there were two doors. They were white and side by side. I went to open the door directly in front of me and it was locked. My team (I actually can hear them.) told me to try the other. I did. It opened. I was cheered. I didn’t see myself walk through this door. I just knew that I had entered. And the manifestation process began. The second time there was just one very large white door. I opened it and saw myself walk through it.

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‘Solitary Confinement’

The truth of planting seeds by-way of Jeremiah! It’s time for hurting to take the personal responsibility to heal.

 
 Solitary Confinement
  
 they're out there enjoying life
 those who lied and betrayed
 while she sits in silence
 waiting for her time
  
 they all believe the opposite
 of what is true
 they are all blinded in fool
 while her tears cause her to drool
 praying...her inward tool
 for being condemned
 doing what she was supposed to do
  
 all abandoned her
 deciding to judge
 where no judgment was due
 pitying her–
 where no pitying was due
  
 so she accepts the cross
 ‒knowing full well...who's in charge
 in the waves of other's flaws
 like a rage doll...she was tossed
  
 but her hopes
stayed with the light
 their insecurities
weren't even her fight
 in her eyes
she just watched their blight
 screamed at them
in her troubled fight
 thinking it was her right
 standing up for herself
against the night
 those suffering for lack of insight
 in only the Lord†
can things ever be right
  
 yes, she watched...screamed
 with all her might
 years of blight‒
 but it was never her fight
 ‒she was already in the light
  
 so she waits...sometimes in cry
 accepting the silence
 her temporary confinement
 for ever lasting enlightenment
 as those who suffer inside
 play with false lives
on the outside
 ‒the lost coveting what they lost
 concealing in lies...lost
 not knowing what it means
 to take it to the cross
  
 yes, they condemn her, judge her
 placing her in depressed...lost
 when all the while‒
 what they refused to see
 she was always a faithful child
 of the Boss!

(July 23, 2019)—There’s a lot going on but little of nothing. What’s taking place in my life is not on the outside per say. I never really knew what was meant by Spiritual Awakening. To be honest, I thought it was all a bunch of crap. But I could never deny the things I’ve experienced when it came to the spiritual world. All the experiences I’ve written about in My 12-Book Series, well, they actually happened. Everything I’m experiencing now…it’s actually happening. It’s not in my mind, or some crazy deal. I think this is the part that separates the spiritual realm from the rest of the world. People go to church every day all around the world, but they really don’t understand what they are hearing or reading about because so much is left out of those preachings.

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‘When You Are Sure!’

The veils revealed through Ezekiel 38 and 39.

 When You Are Sure!
  
 self righteousness
won't get you far
 look to the stars
 get out of your cars
 stare
not at mars...stars
  
 your petty judgments
 your petty arguments
 have not compared to wars
 the Lord† has charged
  
 out of peace
He† can forge
 start from nothing...wars
 use the enemy
for a cause
 that didn't exist
until veils barged
  
 your evil thoughts
won't get you too far
 for He's† in charge!
  
 you don't have a say
on your part
 when He† needs
to move forward‒
 His† barge!

(July 16, 2019)―I’m to write my truth to you. A lot has been going on in my world and it is happening fast. I seem to have written enough about the healing…what we are responsible to do for ourselves. Now, the writing is upsetting in a way. I’ve had some hormonal days topped with the upstairs neighbor having strife…I’ve been sucking up the energy, and then getting this spiritual awakening (go ahead and smirk…I had to look all this up myself), now these writings that are coming. I’ve been crying for two days.

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‘Orchestrated Part’

The orchestrated part of the Jews in Jesus’ death…the same In me and YOU! The veils! The veils are put on to teach us, in order for us to grow! Trust is so very important!

 Orchestrated Part
  
 it was a very long time ago
 still...its people hold
to pride and ego
 passing on lies
 why the Christ†, on the cross, died
 they knew the why
 –at least some on the side
 but following the crowd–
 far greater than the One
up beyond the clouds
  
 a man who'd done miracles
 right in their faces
 they refuse to believe
was of God†
 they saw then denied
 all past scripture
went out windows
 all evidence given to see
 in their books
coming to life
 ‒it wasn't ignorance or strife
 but veils hiding the light
  
 they were presented the truth
 still...they remained in fool
 those veils...heavy tools
 when God† has something
for you to do
 no different for the jews, too
 since Yeshuah's† blood
sealing covenant...in new
 for me and you…had to come true
  
 they were given a choice
 free-will's uncanny voice
 pontius...in his armored hide
 what ya want me to do?
 with a mixed emotion in his eye
 after all...he was a tool, too
 for the role he played with the Jew
  
 they had a choice: all they saw–
 this wasn't a game with toys
 this was a life
put in their hands
 a life of the light
 to decide...their very right
 the ultimate test
 to trust and confess
 or to kill...remain in unrest
  
 the veils...so heavy to wear
 testing the hearts everywhere
  
 pride, ego...closed eyes
 to kill...Yeshuah† must die
  
 He† had to die anyway
 it was already a paved way
  
 they weren't wise to that
 –after the third day
 everything became fact
 ignorance came in
took its crap
 history didn't change–
 everything written
didn't change
 just the veils...God's† will
 ‒they didn't appreciate that
 being used as tools
 instead of accepting their role
 they denied
the light's gold
 defying God†
a purposeful stroll
 passing on lies...in deny
  
 some...sincerely
knowing the truth
 but hiding, coveting
 wearing black gowns
 mourning their loss
 ego, pride's heavy cost
  
 they bang their heads
at the wall
 they pray, pray, pray
 in their heart–
 (God's† not going
to do their part)
 in their hearts
they must acknowledge
their part
 accept it, appreciate it
 then praise Yeshuah, the Christ†
the Lord†

(July 12, 2019)—Are you worried about your life? You shouldn’t. But I do know how it feels to NOT know. It’s a scary feeling. What would you do if someone came to you and gave you a message from above? Clearing up matters for you in such a way that it sort of all made sense. Would you listen?

There are so many examples throughout history that give us hope. If only ears were open. The veils. There’s much to say about them. Whenever you are lost in the darkness, the veils are on. Every time you think you were dumb in something that you did, you were in a way…but know, it wasn’t you…it was God…the veils. Each of us have a part in everyone’s life that we cross: We are the body and Yeshuah is the head! God uses us to test each other’s faith, each other’s true heart. Once we learn to accept that (the true meat of the Bible), then we can understand the why behind our trials and accept them.

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‘His Pickup’

Have you answered God’s call? He’s waiting on you!

 His† Pickup
  
 I talk to the air
 pretending someone's there
 –it's only fair
 since no one sees
how I comb my hair
  
 I go for days, weeks
in this brave affair
 feeling angels everywhere
 then I fall to despair
 acknowledging
no one's really there
 wondering
if anyone really cares
  
 I go until I can't
my hand to face in cry–
  
 this isn't fair
  
 too long I've been waiting
for the care
 working, doing
wanting someone truly there
 but...just surrounds me
thin air
  
 I get completely lost
in this temporary despair
 then...comfort arrives
out of thin air
  
 I was pushed back
and about to fall,
 but the Lord† helped me.
 the Lord† is my strength
and my song;
 He has become
my salvation.
  
 revealing there's someone there
 someone who truly cares
 waiting, fighting there
 waiting to become fully
before the Lord...bare
 dealing in past affairs
 –having courage to dare
  
 shouts of joy and victory
 resound in the tents
of the righteous;
 the Lord's† right hand
has done mighty things!
 the Lord's† right hand
is lifted high;
 the Lord's† right hand
has done mighty things!
  
 victory is every where
 I can feel I in the air
  
 I will not die but live,
 and will proclaim
what the Lord† has done.
 the Lord† has chastened me severely,
 but He† has not given me
over to death.
  
 I know all won't be lost
in despair
 I know there will be saved
so many little hairs
 so I basked in this empty air
 as...taking place
the attended affairs
  
 open for me
the gates of righteousness;
 I will enter
and give thanks to the Lord†.
 this is the gate of the Lord†
 through which
the righteous may enter.
 I will give You† thanks
for You† answered me;
 You† have become my salvation.
  
 all things will be fair
 as comes...the perfect affair
  
 the stone the builders rejected
 has become the capstone;
 the Lord† has done this,
 and it is marvelous in our eyes.
 this is the day the Lord† has made;
 let us rejoice and be glad in it.
  
 seeing truth...so there
 I anticipate
with welcoming flair
 I know this heart I wear
 –out of pure despair
 comes a star's brilliant glare
  
 o Lord†, save us;
 o Lord†, grant us success.
 blessed is he who comes
in the name of the Lord†.
 from the house of the Lord†
we bless you.
 the Lord† is God†,
 and He† has made His† light
shine upon us.
 with boughs in hand
join in the festal procession
up to the horns of the altar
  
 in bowed head...I do declare
 life is as it should be–
 it's not in the tear
 but in the solid of repair
 that God† reveals
His† humble stare
  
 You† are my God†
and I will give You† thanks;
 You† are my God†
and I will exalt You†.
 give thanks to the Lord†
for He† is good;
 His† love endures forever.—psalm 118

He’s Waiting On You!

(July 5, 2019)—I haven’t written in a while…been busy with the testimony of my recent events, which has proven not difficult, but more of a soul-searching deal that’s taking me nearing over a month now to work on. It’s okay. I have plenty time. There’s never a rush for things these days. In due time, they do come. But I have been working diligently and long hours. I went to bed at 5 a.m. this morning and woke up at around noon to people asking me if I felt the earthquake. No. I’ve been busy.

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‘Channel’

Don’t change your independent self because of another person.

 Channel
  
 a bird flies when its free
 it stagnates
in captivity
 its colors blossom
in variety
 fading in ambiguity
 ‒plucking them out
in atrocity
  
 in nature...the act in free‒
 all the same
in its facility
 a trapping technicality
 ‒being free has its complexity
  
 as a woman
in her diplomacy
 giving true
to her effeminacy
 when treated
with significancy
  
 when she's satisfied
in her sexuality
 she falls into compliancy
 even in another's complacency
 giving up her self-sufficiency
 even her style in flossy
 being, at first
blissful in buoyancy
  
 as it goes...comes the decadency
 becoming aware
of the deficiency
 –a broken down fallacy
 as she meets each exigency
  
 outward...comes her adamancy
 as gone goes her sexy
 –an inward building pudency
 her usual controlled diplomacy
 loses its bearing
to rampancy
  
 as goes the controlling austerity
 saving-money hostility
 ‒slowly caving
in her impetuosity
  
 attention...gone its notoriety
 even her newly shaped nudity
 once praised with delicacy
 gone...with looks
words in vulgarity
 stripping
all her sexy naughty
 –leaving vagueness
in commonality
  
 lack of interest
opens a familiarity
 once ignoring
so much secrecy
 once ignoring the mendacity
 pulling forward
all its perfidy
 as gone...all her sensuality
 understanding
its diverted generosity
 she becomes lost
in recalcitrancy
 –the precious kitty lost
to lunacy
  
 all for giving her free
 to submissive captivity
 for the awakening
of her sexuality!

(May 9, 2019)―It’s funny how life repeats itself when we don’t learn the lesson the first time around. The funny thing for me is that I wrote about this before. I guess it pays to write about it again. The woman and all of her charm and personality has a way of turning into the woman her man wants her to be. Hold on before you scream: That’s not true. I do have a very good point.

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‘Love in Action’

Actions, in spite of resentment, still say LOVE

 Love in Action
  
 no matter the resentment
 it was given then taken
 actions of love
 still...not just a must
but a do
  
 it's all giving
without judgment
 helping without faking
 actions in love
 doing
without needing a clue
  
 it's helping another
without commitment
 being truthful
without manipulation
 actions in love
 doing
for words are not enough
  
 it's getting over
the resentment
 ‒those taking without
returning the give
 actions in love
 still...a beautiful mark
 on the heart
in the making

(April 30, 2019)―Resentment. I’ve written a lot about resentment in Book 12. It’s part of the codependency deal. A codependent will give and give without thinking of themselves and then they begin to resent it because they carry the expectation of being given in return. Of course, the given in return doesn’t happen most of the time. A codependent is a bit fucked up in a sense because of this expectation.

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‘What Comes Out’

Anger: How changing this one emotion can change your entire life!

 What Comes Out
  
 she weighed
the things she's said
 ‒those retaliating words
 she weighed
the things she's done
 thinking it all hard love
 but it was anger
 ‒acting out
over another's danger
  
 what makes you do
these things?
  
 she pondered the question
 the only answer: retaliation
 she bowed her head
in confession
 responding to those living
in secret
 putting her in the dark...deeper
  
 she weighed
her lost of control
 ‒all man things took their toll
 grabbing at her in hold
 her...letting it all
use her in bold
  
 anger's put her in the red
 shaped thoughts in head
 then actions without thought
 knowing the wrong
in every heart beat
 then came further heat
  
 she weighed
all these things
 knowing too late always rings
 seeking truth
sets off anger in sing
 it's her life
not just some fling
  
 she sighed just a bit
thinking these things
 anger's become a distraction
 at times
giving satisfaction
 ‒the evil whore's demolition
  
 she bowed her head
in greater confession
 this her greatest sin
 one...with‒ 
she no longer
wants to blend

 control‒ 
a fight she's determined
to win
 ‒using gratitude
from God's† den‒
 the only way to contend
 ‒be put in the light
from way deep within

(April 27, 2019)―There are 2 large garbage cans that came with the house I live in. When we first moved in, they were in the corner of the garage. The side where I park my car. My car door opens up to the wall side of the garage. I have boxes stacked in there, which I never unpacked also on the side where I park my car. About a month ago, we were told by the landlord that we had to clean up the backyard. After the winter, the pine needles and pine cones had added up. So, in order to make my job a little easier, I moved the garbage cans to the side of the house, inside the metal gate. Since, they were out of the way in the garage, I moved over some boxes, which made getting out of my car easier.

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‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
  
 upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
 shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
 –a go-getter
they couldn't take
 she...never wanting‒ 
any kinda hate
 ‒that was never
her intended fate
  ‒she let love lead the way
 ending in heavy price's
to pay
  
 only in moments
she lived in sedate
 all them medical doctors
had to medicate
 she just needed room‒ 
a bit of space
 to grasp the idea
of her body ache
 never using it as an escape
 ‒it hurt...and she was its bait
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 upon her shoulders‒ 
she wears the cape
 an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
 –emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
 a burning heart
left in saturate
 mixed with anger
lust and hate
 screaming
without intentional berate
 from love
that just couldn't stay
  
 then again‒ 
she let love be her mate
 a heart damaged‒ 
in too many ways
 –again...a turn in obliterate
 a brain burned in uncultivate
 all that damage‒ 
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
 men who couldn't bear
the cape
 of her physical‒ 
being in waste
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 she now wears‒ 
a suit of armor
from love's mate
 as the heavy scars from fake–
 I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
 builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
 the writer in massive create
  
 she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
 so she shoulders damage
left behind–
 by carelessness
and self hate
 building her rose‒ 
from a destroyer's
intentional state
  
 she knows‒ 
she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –others led her to fall
 not caring
the damage at all
  
 oh! how
she can stand tall–
 she picked herself up
from the fall
 using the rest of her life
in God's hall
 lost to true love's
missed call
 she knows‒ 
she gave it her all
 –it was not her
that caused
the fall!

(April 24, 21019)—I was sent to a heart specialist today. Although I’m 50, I’m always the youngest in the room when it comes to things like this. (I started saying this phrase back in 2013 when I returned to the VA. I was always the youngest in the room back then.) So, I’m sitting there going through Scriptures, keeping my mind occupied. I didn’t want to think about why I was there. Then I got called to the back. A slew of tests were ordered, including a monitor, which I’ll have to wear for a week.

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