Tag: 5stagesofgrief

‘Battlement’ (Yeshuah and He answers a Scripture)

You cannot expect riches from someone who has given and you took without giving.

Battlement (Yeshuah)

it is time
to heal
from scars way down deep

it is time
to rip
all the anguish
that imprisons you

this is My† command
I†, Yeshuah†, the Son†
the first and only Son†
take charge of your pain
break the chains that bind you
stop imposing them on others

'imposing' a word given to My† servant
she was charged by another servant
but that servant is wrong
My† servant does not impose
and she cannot force
I† step in when she tries
I† end it, I†, Yeshuah†, every time

truth must be
for all the chosen
they do not start off in truth
fully
they are refined
as all servants are
after I† came
for no one after Me†
is born refined
for it was charged to Me†
the Judge of all
to refine as I† see fit

for I† was entrusted
with a Kingdom
of great resolve
never forced

I† send My† chosen
freely
after I† refine them
they cannot argue
nor debate truth
if you do not accept truth
then you will be thrown back into the fire
for your refinement is incomplete

I† know these things
for I† created them
My† judgment amongst the living
who are not dead
but alive
I† will send them to death
over and over
until they willingly accept life

life is living in truth

if you have not accepted truth
then you still live in death

the light does not like the dark
but the light must live in with the darkness
the light does not impose itself
God†, the Father†, is the only one
who has the power to impose
the light

and you will see this, servant
for the world cannot accept the light
fully
they are too comfortable
in the world
surrounding themselves with far more
than material possessions
they surround themselves
with darkness
masquerading the light

the fire is burning at both ends
and to distinguish
which is which
they cannot do on their own
they must be shepherded
if they deny this shepherding
God's† wrath takes over
and thus will be taken
until their refinement is completed

do not mistaken
the light is not the darkness
and the darkness is not the light
but God† is in charge of  both

(February 4, 2024)―(2-(2,2)-202(2,2)…a day of all twos).

He led me to 1 Kings 2:13-18 through 1 Kings 2:39-46. These Scriptures, if you do not understand what you are reading, tell a much bigger story: Who God is. You cannot fool Him. If you cannot separate yourself from the world, you will not see Him. Those who understand this, fully understand these Scriptures. He is. He is everywhere. You cannot hide. He is watching all the time. And if He called your name, He will refine you.

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‘Words in Wisdom’ and ‘Removing of Chains’

We have to break those chains. If we constantly carry that pain and keep feeding it then we never achieve total peace. We have to be able to lift that hurt off of us. 

Words in Wisdom
 
look up to what's up
oppression happens
in the mind
over years, over time
it brings on despair
something that traumatized‒
and wasn't...at all...fair
 
it took from you
it robbed from you
of an innocence
leaving your mind
in distress
your heart
in confusion
‒it became your affliction
your personal calamity
though you refused to see
too young, too naïve
‒you just saw
it wasn't the way to be
 
so you learned differently
a game of hide and seek
that moved you
to disbelief
 
you threw away empathy
not caring‒
way down deep
‒you learned how to surface
keep things out of seep
showing simple compassion
without making a decision
or turning it into
an intrusion
 
instead you learned to lift
take it off of you‒
to a cause...shift
then bounce it back
‒whomever got a whiff
 
you aced the summersault
getting out of discomfort
byway of other's vaults
‒it's easy for you to stomp
whomever comes‒
revealing your faults
 
‒from your mind
you built a special cult‒
those who live
in the same confusion
‒truth is abruptly put
in halt
cast out...the door barred
in bolt
 
you learned‒
became the master
in shield
‒the enemy
the hidden iniquities:
the unfairness
the immorality
the unjust
the wrong
the evil
the viciousness‒
all that you blame
passed around
with emotions inflamed
 
‒are yours....

(July 10, 2020)―Today, I was lead to Psalm 107 (included fully at the end of the commentary for ‘Removing of Chains’). From that, I was led back into the past and Jesus made me cry. An order I placed weeks ago came in today. It was a dress. It’s the third of six dresses that I ordered in the size 2x. I’m not really a 2x, but I’m not a 6 or a 10 or even a 12 anymore. The 2x dresses fit loose and they are comfortable…COMFORTABLE is the key word. Then I was led to ‘Removing of Chains’ written in 2012. When I got to the end of that writing, that’s when the tears came. And David saying, ‘Yes!’ When you read it, you will totally understand. It is included below, as this is long…an afternoon-sit-with-coffee-or-tea type of writing!

Both ‘Removing of Chains’ and ‘Words in Wisdom’ parallel each other and then to read Psalm 107, either written by King David or Asaph, it doesn’t matter. This writing was written in a time when God clearly made Himself known in big ways. Today, He does it in simple ways that people can see…at least, those who CAN see.

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‘Wasted Time’

God sends signs all the time, but you still don’t get it. You have to learn His process first! War. Blood shed. Fighting over 136 acres of land…you DO NOT KNOW GOD!

Wasted Time
  
 you're constantly trying
 you're constantly studying
 –so much time...wasting
 gone are your days
 as you praise
 then argue and fight
 in constant delay
  
 how...how are you
 living the way
  
 tell me...honestly
 all this strife
 blood dripping on grounds
 children dying so young
 women raped and beat
 killing, killing
  
 how...how are you
 living the way
  
 can a child lead a lion
 do cats and dogs get along
 how...when colors of skin
 cause you to bend
 when shepherds
 can't keep watch
 instead build walls, laws
 sending innocent men
 to gold-controlled pins
  
 oh where! oh where!
 is the way
  
 His† blood shed
 with just words to say
 a voice against this hate
 put you in mixed sedate
  
 signs! oh signs!
 always looking behind
 yesterday is yesterday
 how is that today
 when you pillage away
 what He† came to save
  
 wars are wars
 weapons are weapons
 the road...the way
 is the only one paved
 raising you up
 out of the grave
  
 see...hear
 in the heart
 the sign is near
 always in awake
  
 He's† staying put
 patient in the wait
 a new earth
 another journey
 –before that day
  
 a renewing of spirit
 until you get it
  
 see...hear
 destruction does await
 –the way out
 the saved
 living the way
 –is their new day

THE WAY CAME BEFORE JESUS: Hundreds of years! Hello! God is ALL. Jesus is the Way…because God sent Him!

(November 18, 2019)—I had a interesting evening last night. Movies. A very important lesson that has been taught to me over and over for years is that ALL art, ALL everything is from God. Each song we hear. Each movie we see. Each book we read. Each everything that comes before us is sent to us by God to teach us something. The only catch: We have to pay attention. Simple. And it is amazing once you realize this and start paying attention.

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‘Backlash’ (Crucifixion Vision)

You must learn to fight with your mind!

 Backlash
  
 He's† coming
His† fierce wrath
 –a warning
that will steal your laugh
  
 He's† waited
as you gently
took your bath
 seeing you
enjoy your treasures
He's glad
  
 His† simplicity‒
 riddled with an interesting sass
 if you fall too far behind
on the graph
 He† has an unwavering strap
 administered by
a father's unconditional love‒
 in a dash
 giving you a chance
to bounce back
 from your deep, darkened nap
  
 but you haven't read
the telegraph
 you haven't heard
the endless knocking raps
 you haven't heard
the crash, the clash
 or the blast
 you haven't even heard
the slush
 of His† slow drag
  
 instead
you waddle like an ass
 pretending to celebrate
honor His† flag
 while others...with a bat
so willing to bash
  
 round and round
 lap after lap
 slowly distorting Him†
in every class
 mixing it all up–
 commoners can't even grasp
 leaving it all
to be given in mass
 not willing
to take on the task
 –it's all been a trap
  
 the mark of the beast–
 will be an easy lash
 they will be willing–
 without any wording sass
 let alone
a flame from a shiny blast
  
 how to measure gullibility–
 the strength needed
to cure this rash
 will take more
than attending a mass
 or around waist
wrapping a sash
  
 in the mind
will come the nag
 –a played-out invisible rag
 strange thoughts
making a face sag
 doubt...oh! how nasty!
its constant drag
 heaviness and confusion–
 mixing it all up in lag
  
 there's a better way to combat
 this dark invisible rag
 –powers hidden
once sealed–
 too high to be grasped
 it's now time
to bathe in its vast
 opening it up–
 the vaults...down...smash
  
 mind for mind...slash
 taking control back
 before the Lamb† comes
in a flash
 open up for a higher stash
 –sorting through trash
 with an energy in splash
  
 yes, He's† coming
 a warning in passing
 a chance to be given
for a new class
 a higher way
fighting in blast
 a choice in self's brass
 –thrive in eternity's musical jazz
 or fall in evil's
forever fire-pitting trap

(August 24, 2019)―Wow! is how today began. A jolting out of bed at 4 a.m. to write. I didn’t want to get up. Three times I was literally jolted out of bed. I finally got up and I’ve been writing ever since. That’s what I’m suppose to do: keep writing.

I mentioned in a few writings that I’ll eventually have a section on here about my meditation journey…it will either be in a category or an entire section to itself. All I know is that I’m on an extraordinary journey and I’ve been on this journey for years now, only this time it’s elevated, and I’m to share the entire process here.

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‘Time Allotment’

Healing individual and nation byway of God’s tests!

 Time Allotment
  
 there were so many‒
 but not quite like the three
 babylon, rome, egypt
  
 babylon wiped from the map
 rome...an enemy-insertion trap
 as egypt turns
to left-over scrap
  
 there were many other nations
 tribes around the world
 worshiping their gods
in a swirl
 disappearing...gone
 ‒their gods' validation
  
 God† over-shadows all others
 they last quite a while
then smothered
 God† doesn't interfere
doesn't even bother
 ‒leave them to the world's wonder
 just how many gods
are under the thunder?
  
 once mighty rulers
 having gold and emeralds
 hundreds of years‒
 forcing slaves
to dry them tears
 in each heart
placements of fear
 thousands of years
 controllers held dear
  
 all before: Jesus† appeared
  
 slowly, slowly rulers
 of such magnitude...disappeared
  
 are you blind...think so queer
 that you can out smart‒
 thousands of years!
  
 just three: babylon, rome, egypt
 oh my! thousands of years
 they had reason‒
 held their egos so dear
 forcing love to the rear
 live by hate, pride‒
 the shield...instilling fear
  
 but barely old enough
 to even see rough!
 built up pride and ego
 not even three hundred years!
 laugh, laugh, laugh
 ‒the emptying of the glass
 chances were given
to help you last
 ‒you're just using it in sass
  
 sweet, sweet land of milk and honey
 days are coming less sunny
  
 countries with more maturity
 countries with much more history
 fell to the feet
of the Mystery†
 ancestors left
with no one to call majesty
 ‒take heed to that of sincerity
 you're wasting a gift‒
 too young...a baby
 not even close to maturity
 ego, pride, greed‒
 wasted years in cruelty
 falling to the hands
of evil in royalty!

(July 5, 2019)—I was led to Ezekiel again today. Political mess. Shootings again in America. Not schools or theaters this time…Wal-Marts! I ask: Why not Target, or the malls, or Walgreens, or any other branded store. Why Wal-Marts? Strange occurrences. The schools. Sure there were a few out-of-sort shootings trying to throw it off, but mostly schools. Then theaters. Random? Across the country. Even less than six minutes from my house! Then a concert…I’m thinking it was going to be the first of many, but then security took over. Stupid really…to target a place like Vegas…that shit spills all over the country. I went to several concerts after. Security is high! Now stores….

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‘Men of Songs’

Understanding depression and the veils by-way of Job!

 Men of Songs
  
 I thrash out my complaints
 I take the hurt, the blame
 put it all on my shoulders‒
 knowing
through all this rough terrain
 not one showed sincerity
not one came
  
 so I let tears fall
like rain
 open my mouth
my worded train
 feeling alone, empty
worthless...plain
 wondering if I'm really insane
  
 I cast out my stones to You†
 ‒Your† broken little dame
 all these tasks
my life...so drained
 not knowing the final aim
 just take it all in‒
 the arrows of false names
 on invisible ropes...I hang
  
 told...life is but a game
 learn to play it...you win fame
  
 You† and I know‒
 that's not how it's framed
 life isn't at all a game
 You†...no one can tame
 someone so righteous‒
 You† easily cast in flames
 and that person
will never be the same
  
 when this heart
feels weak in faint
 I look at all my I can'ts
 I re-hear all those filthy names
 know...none of them...I ain't
 but I know‒
 I'm such a tiny piece of grain
 and the only fame
to be claimed
 is that of Your† sweet, sweet name
  
 I'm so, so tired
of being maimed
 so tired of lonely's strain
 what have I gained
 on this hateful, lonely lane
  
 I know it's part of Jesus'†
 each and every vein
 I'm so weary...feelings‒
 my work done in vane
 so, I call on you...Jesus†
 please take all my complaints
 straight to our Father†
 ‒pull me out
this agonizing drain
 forgive all my trespasses
 turn me over‒
 to at least one heart
who feels the same
 ‒a bit of hunger
a bit of tame
 to do works of good‒
 in Your† sweet, sweet name

(July 24, 2019)—Our mothers. Veils. Mercy. I’ve been having a hard time putting my thoughts on paper lately. It may not seem like it but it’s still true. I end up writing it in my head then when I sit down, the same thoughts that I had don’t come out. I didn’t want to write anymore. For the past week or so, I’ve been in a battle with my self I guess you could say. I’m tired. I’ve been doing this work for seven years now. I’ve been writing and teaching and learning for over 10. I’m tired. But I’m to keep going.

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‘Channel’

Don’t change your independent self because of another person.

 Channel
  
 a bird flies when its free
 it stagnates
in captivity
 its colors blossom
in variety
 fading in ambiguity
 ‒plucking them out
in atrocity
  
 in nature...the act in free‒
 all the same
in its facility
 a trapping technicality
 ‒being free has its complexity
  
 as a woman
in her diplomacy
 giving true
to her effeminacy
 when treated
with significancy
  
 when she's satisfied
in her sexuality
 she falls into compliancy
 even in another's complacency
 giving up her self-sufficiency
 even her style in flossy
 being, at first
blissful in buoyancy
  
 as it goes...comes the decadency
 becoming aware
of the deficiency
 –a broken down fallacy
 as she meets each exigency
  
 outward...comes her adamancy
 as gone goes her sexy
 –an inward building pudency
 her usual controlled diplomacy
 loses its bearing
to rampancy
  
 as goes the controlling austerity
 saving-money hostility
 ‒slowly caving
in her impetuosity
  
 attention...gone its notoriety
 even her newly shaped nudity
 once praised with delicacy
 gone...with looks
words in vulgarity
 stripping
all her sexy naughty
 –leaving vagueness
in commonality
  
 lack of interest
opens a familiarity
 once ignoring
so much secrecy
 once ignoring the mendacity
 pulling forward
all its perfidy
 as gone...all her sensuality
 understanding
its diverted generosity
 she becomes lost
in recalcitrancy
 –the precious kitty lost
to lunacy
  
 all for giving her free
 to submissive captivity
 for the awakening
of her sexuality!

(May 9, 2019)―It’s funny how life repeats itself when we don’t learn the lesson the first time around. The funny thing for me is that I wrote about this before. I guess it pays to write about it again. The woman and all of her charm and personality has a way of turning into the woman her man wants her to be. Hold on before you scream: That’s not true. I do have a very good point.

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‘Shouldering Damage’

You deal and accept the physical damage caused by narcissism’s carelessness

 
Shouldering Damage
  
 upon her shoulders
carries the weight–
 shouldering damage
from those who couldn't stay
 –a go-getter
they couldn't take
 she...never wanting‒ 
any kinda hate
 ‒that was never
her intended fate
  ‒she let love lead the way
 ending in heavy price's
to pay
  
 only in moments
she lived in sedate
 all them medical doctors
had to medicate
 she just needed room‒ 
a bit of space
 to grasp the idea
of her body ache
 never using it as an escape
 ‒it hurt...and she was its bait
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 upon her shoulders‒ 
she wears the cape
 an anti-depressant to mask
a different kinda ache
 –emotional chains
she couldn't tolerate
 a burning heart
left in saturate
 mixed with anger
lust and hate
 screaming
without intentional berate
 from love
that just couldn't stay
  
 then again‒ 
she let love be her mate
 a heart damaged‒ 
in too many ways
 –again...a turn in obliterate
 a brain burned in uncultivate
 all that damage‒ 
on her shoulders
in blissful weight
 men who couldn't bear
the cape
 of her physical‒ 
being in waste
  
 she knows she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –but others led her to fall
 not caring the damage at all
  
 she now wears‒ 
a suit of armor
from love's mate
 as the heavy scars from fake–
 I can't stay
you...I could only tolerate
 builds her face
straight to a destiny's fate–
 the writer in massive create
  
 she...to never deny God
in whatever she faced
 so she shoulders damage
left behind–
 by carelessness
and self hate
 building her rose‒ 
from a destroyer's
intentional state
  
 she knows‒ 
she gave it all
 she wasn't some pity rage doll–
 standing somewhere in stall
 she answered a simple call
 –others led her to fall
 not caring
the damage at all
  
 oh! how
she can stand tall–
 she picked herself up
from the fall
 using the rest of her life
in God's hall
 lost to true love's
missed call
 she knows‒ 
she gave it her all
 –it was not her
that caused
the fall!

(April 24, 21019)—I was sent to a heart specialist today. Although I’m 50, I’m always the youngest in the room when it comes to things like this. (I started saying this phrase back in 2013 when I returned to the VA. I was always the youngest in the room back then.) So, I’m sitting there going through Scriptures, keeping my mind occupied. I didn’t want to think about why I was there. Then I got called to the back. A slew of tests were ordered, including a monitor, which I’ll have to wear for a week.

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‘Anger’s Infest’

Anger wants you steadfast! God wants you moving forward!

 Anger's Infest
  
 feel it beneath your skin
 evil's way of getting within
 actions in horror's den
 ‒ways of evil's perfect sin
  
 it'll trap you in cussing
 it'll condemn you in swearing
 pulling at you...probing
 wanting your reaction
 for it's only satisfaction
  
 it'll take all
of your triggering notions
 you...down...dragging
 as it smiles
in sadistic laughing
 craving your giving in
 your fight...it's welcoming
 celebrating
your mind's condemn
  
 anger...evil's infested gem
 words, actions
its consistency in playing
 wanting you
self to defend
 so it can celebrate
in its win
  
 feel it beneath your skin
 evil's way of getting within
 actions in horror's den
 ‒ways of evil's perfect sin
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‘Humble of Mercy’

You Want It to Be! So Bad….

A sample from Book 12

 Humble of Mercy
  
 she shivered in the sun light
 thinking of words in the night
 take care of yourself
 make this all count
 it's not as bad as it seems
  
 –wondering...
if this is really all right
  
 she covers her eyes from the bright
 words...thoughts in her head
 filling her morning's sight
 you've heard this before
words of deception
 he doesn't want you no more
 don't let 'fool' be your salvation
  
 ‒wondering...
why the needless blight
  
 then the bible's insight
 saying it's going to be all right
  
 the unease feels her insides
 but her heart digs in tight
 it was always him‒ 
since all the darkened twilight
 why so hard to get it right
 why so much fight
  
 she washed her face
forced a smile to the light
 dawned her makeup
ignored age's height
 the saddened night
 throwing sorrow to the wind‒
 the need to cry...howl
all night
  
 her heart sits right
 she adhered to the boundaries‒ 
set outright
 time needed with the light
 she can't fight
without insight
 cleansing her insides, beautying her outsides
 letting the magic pour from God†
 as age moves on
lessening her life
 –each piece
becomes more precious, more fragile
  
 learning not anymore
to gamble
 what's wrong, what's right
 just listening to the light
without a fight

(September 26, 2018)—

Praise for Joy and Security of the Righteous—Keep me safe, O God, for in You I take refuge. I said to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.’ As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom in all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.―Psalm 16

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